I need help, i need to know what should i do if i want to rape and murder people. Im afriad to get help because if i told them everything that they might put me away, i just want help and medication. I had a physical fight today with my fiance and i tried to hug her after we yelled at eachother but she told me to stop and let go but i cant and then she started hitting me and i almost blacked out in rage, i choked her and held her down on the bed and it was like there were voices around me screaming to just take her and slam her against every wall and rape her. I have a really bad past, i just want to get better for us to be happy but will they lock me up for those thoughts, cant they just talk with me and give medication?
It is very difficult to put someone away or lock them up, for their thoughts. When I read your question it became apparent that you are having trouble controlling your anger and most likely you are having trouble being successful in a relationship. No, it is never right to slam your girlfriend against the wall or to fight with her, or anyone, physically unless it is in self defense. That is something you must believe and accept completely, if you are to succeed in life in general and in a relationship in particular.
What you are experiencing is not uncommon. You need to begin therapy. You need to learn how to handle your emotions so that you never reach the “rage” level. It’s not as simple as counting to 10 or walking out of the room. It takes understanding and learning.
You did not rape and kill your girlfriend but sometime, in a rage, you might. That’s what a rage is. It’s a point where your emotions are so immense, that you are solely driven by those emotions. So far, you have not reached that point but you may have been close and that might be why you are writing for help. Get help. Your story is not uncommon. Those who get help for anger issues are very likely to go on to lead successful, healthy lives. Those who do not can slip, in a moment of rage, and commit an act that ends up destroying or severely damaging their life.
We are not born understanding how to lead successful relationships. We tend to learn about relationships from our parents and family but those lessons are often wrong.
A good therapist could solve your problem and turn your life around. I sincerely hope that you will take my advice and get into therapy. Good luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle