I have a 5 year old daughter and am pregnant by my current boyfriend of the last two years. He put a camera in the bathroom at my mom’s house. We have never had any issues and he has always treated my daughter as his own. I need some advice on what others would do? I want him in the delivery room when I go into labor but my family thinks it’s the wrong choice. He was arrested for unlawful eavesdropping and survalince. He was bonded out after 2 days. My parents think I am a bad parent for wanting him to be there knowing what he did. I need to know what others think because I love my kids and never want to lose them and at this time my parents are telling me they will take my kids. And they know I would never let that happen. I have always been controlled by my parents and they feel like their own opinion is the only and right one. Please help and give me your honest opinion. My dad feels like I need to talk to a therapist and this is a lot for a pregnant woman to handle without someone to talk to. I think my parents are taking it too far to say that since he did this he will mess with my kids. The camera was also never used and had to be used within my mom’s home so I don’t think he knew how it worked before putting it there.
Denial and minimization are the two primary defense mechanisms used when we don’t want to face our own unhealed parts of the self. I believe you are denying your boyfriend’s obvious pathology and minimizing it by saying he didn’t know how the camera worked. Your current boyfriend’s lack of boundaries and invasion of privacy shows a complete lack of regard or respect for other people’s needs and rights and, what is more, this camera may have been used to capture pictures of your 5-year-old daughter.
Is this really someone you want in the delivery room for support? Why would you want to make this infraction small and welcome him into the most sacred moments of your life, when he was carelessly indifferent with yours, your mother’s and your daughter’s?
Your children are yours and your parents, of course, shouldn’t take them. But you need to face up to the fact that you chose a boyfriend unworthy of your trust. It would be good for you to have your own therapist to talk to as you go through these difficult transformations.
Wishing you patience and peace,