From a 12 year old girl in the U.S.: I think something is wrong with me, but I don’t know what it is. I’ve always had issues, though. There was a phase where I couldn’t do anything without being “;uncomfortable”, for example, I only wore three things. I was also diagnosed with depression at age ten I think? I just feel like there is something weird and wrong about me.
I’m very sorry that you are feeling so troubled. I do want you to know that many kids go through stages where they are only comfortable wearing certain outfits. Kids who find the world a little (or a lot) confusing sometimes latch on to something that lets them feel a little bit in control. Sometimes it’s around food issues (like only eating certain things or not wanting the different food on their plates to be touching). Sometimes they develop strong preferences around clothing. Sometimes they come up with some ritual for getting ready for bed. Those are only a few common examples of ways try to feel in control at least a little bit.
I can’t offer much help on the limited information you shared. But it’s enough to know that you feel that, at only 12, that you have “always had issues”.
That tells me two things. One is that you are smart and internet savvy and have been looking for what might be “wrong”. Unfortunately, sometimes things on the internet make perfectly normal feelings seem abnormal. At 12, it isn’t unusual for a girl to have challenging feelings. The hormonal shifts of adolescence can be difficult to manage. The social scene can be really, really hard to navigate as well. You aren’t at all alone in feeling like something is “wrong”. An appointment with your doctor may help you feel reassured that your confusing feelings are normal.
Secondly, you were diagnosed with depression at age 10. It’s now 2 years later. The clinician who did the diagnosing is a person to return to. That person can take a new look at how you are feeling and can both reassure you and make recommendations if they feel you need some additional support and treatment. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a few sessions of therapy to give a teen peace of mind.
I do hope you will tell the provider about wearing only 3 things when you were little, especially if you still have some habits you think are unusual. It may be that it was a normal developmental stage (as I said in the beginning of this response). But it might also be that you have a bit of Aspergers in your makeup. Don’t freak out. Aspergers can be managed. Some kids see it as their superpower. Do share this guess with your provider, please.
I hope you will follow up and make that appointment to see the clinician. Worrying about yourself constantly is much worse than going to that appointment and getting some answers.
I wish you well.