From a teen in the U.S.: I’m 17 years old, when i was 15 my older brother passed away due to long term heroin addiction. he was my very best friend and i watched him die. being that i am in high school, the easiest way for me to shut the pain out was by partying. eventually that came around to slap me in the face and i had to deal with the pain that i had pushed away for so long all at once.
lately, i don’t get along with anyone in my family. i feel extremely alone, and i feel like i have no one to go to if i needed help. I’m failing all of my classes and everyday seems to get worse. i feel lost and since i totaled my car and lost my phone i feel like not only do i have no one but i have nothing, no job, no money, no car, no phone.i feel like that along with being so genuinely sad and angry with my life, I’m at a breaking point. i have tried counseling, and anti depressants, which just made me emotionally numb. I’m feeling hopeless. and I’m not really sure what to do at this point. i just want to give up.,
My parents are constantly angry at me for my choice in friends or honestly anything they can find to be mad at me about. i cant remember a time where i have made them proud, it seems all i am to them now is a problem. my older siblings treat me the same. i have tried to tell them i am depressed, but they treat it as if i have nothing to be depressed about and that i need to grow up. I’m so close to giving up on everything. where do i even start to make my life better?
What you do is go back to your therapist and take your letter with you. You’ve written an articulate and heart felt description of your feelings and confusions. Reading it together will help your therapist better understand what you are dealing with.
You lost a brother and your parents lost a son. It’s not at all unusual for grieving to go on for a long time and to take many forms from self-destructive behaviors to depression to anger. Unresolved grieving often puts a family in turmoil as different people deal with it in different ways. In your case, I’m guessing that it’s difficult for you to move on and have the life that your brother will never have.
Please take care of yourself. Medication may help some but grief isn’t something you can medicate away. Go back to therapy. If that therapist isn’t responsive, then find another therapist who specializes in grief. You — and your family — deserve the help.
I wish you well.