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Why Do I Seem to Attract Needy Men?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From a young woman in the U.S.: This does not make sense to me because I am not very empathetic, nurturing, or a great listener. I feel as if these guys are very different from me, and I cannot understand why I attract so many of them, or why I am drawn to them (even though I dont feel like I am attracted to this sort of person at all).

When I read your letter, I immediately thought of cats. Cats are usually most interested in the person in the room who doesn’t want anything to do with them. Maybe it’s a challenge to them to make the disinterested person respond. Or maybe they intuit that, once charmed, a resistant person really, really wants to be with them. Not being a cat psychologist, I don’t know. That was just me musing about your question but maybe there’s something to it.

More likely is the old adage that opposites attract. Maybe deep inside you want more sensitivity in your life and maybe these guys are searching for someone more matter-of-fact. We humans often look for relationships that fill in something we lack a little or a lot. In healthy relationships of opposites, each person learns from the other and both become more complete. In unhealthy relationships of people who are very different, the partners are often dismissive and disrespectful of each other’s approach to life.

I hope this at least gives you some ideas to think about.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

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