From the U.S.: 2 years ago my wife walked away from my son and I. She said she didn’t know who she was or what she wanted. She after a few months realized she made a mistake and said she was coming back home. things were ok. We were sexually active with each other. During this time she was living with “the boyfriend.” She was ready to come back and now I found out that there is a 3rd guy in the mix, and she is once again saying she doesn’t know who she is or what she wants. She seems to be all about herself and not her family. Very selfish. She claims we are on different paths in life yet she says she hates what she is doing but she continues to do it and thinks it’s ok.
Recently I have tried to move on sort of. I had a date set up and told her about it, and she got mad that I was going to go on a date. She disregards the fact that she has 2 boyfriends and a husband. It’s ok for her to act this way, but not ok for me…she has depression issues due to an auto immune disease. What is wrong with her and how do I stop it?
I can’t diagnose her on the basis of a letter. I can highlight for you that you have spent 2 years trying to be patient and to give her the room to come to her senses. She hasn’t taken you up on it. While you have been raising your son, she has been “finding herself” and apparently finding other men. She says she doesn’t like what she is doing but she doesn’t stop it — nor does she seek treatment to help her figure out what she is doing to herself and to you and her son. Please ask yourself if this is what you want your son to grow up believing is a normal and healthy relationship with someone he loves.
You can’t make her change. What you can do is change your response to what she is doing. Insist that she go with you to couples therapy and perhaps get some individual treatment as well. If she won’t, you have a hard choice to make. You can either keep on letting her set the terms for your marriage or you can make your next stop be at a lawyer’s office to file for divorce. Only you know which feels like it will be right over the long run. For what it’s worth: I do think you and your son deserve better.
I wish you well.