I’ve been with my fiancee for 4 years. We had a rough start because he was a wild child, but he started to settle down and commit to me and not cheat. i went off to college about 2 hours from home and he moved up here for me. i know he loves me, but he doesn’t show me in the way i do. i don’t know if it’s me that i over react or if it really is him.
He seems to have abuse drugs. He smokes marijuana everyday. When he gets up, multiple times at work, and multiple times after work, then right before bed. I dont like the kind of people that he is associated with when he smokes. I always comment on how i don’t understand why he has to smoke w/other people while he can be spending time with me. It takes up all my time, and he rather go off and smoke w/someone on his lunch break than spending the 15 mins with me, after i drove all the way to see him. He seems dependent on weed or pills like zanax and it seems like he is dependent on them. He has trouble when he drinks also, because he could care less about me and doesn’t know when to stop drinking. He says such awful things and gets
violent, but he always has to apologize for it later.He has anger problems, and i don’t know when he’s going to be the sweet one that will sit and listen and wipe my tears away, or get mad and try and kick me out of the house and tell me he’s done. This goes on soo much and i am tired of not being heard because i’m scared of his reaction. but i love him soo much and i just give in and be quiet because i dont want him to leave me. He doesn’t seem to think what i say is important. he says we fight and argue about the same things, but we never resolve things so i have to continue to say things that i think matter to me. how can i make him see that these things are important, like him stop or limiting drug use, or who he hangs out with. he says he’ll stop smoking and drinking and will do it for a lil but he can’t commit. and i feel if he keeps making these promises that he can’t keep then is he ready to commit to me? i’m soo confused, and don’t know what’s worth fighting for even if i’ve been fighting for 4 years.
It’s time you faced it: Your boyfriend loves weed, drugs, alcohol, and his friends more than you. He is headed for drug rehab, jail or death. The moments of sweetness aren’t worth the stress and fear and loneliness of being with him.
You’ve been with this guy since you were only 15 years old. My guess is that you haven’t had other, more positive experience, and you are afraid to let go. Somehow you have convinced yourself that half a loaf is better than none. It’s not. You deserve to be with someone who cherishes you, who wants to spend time with you, and who is creating a grown up life for himself and the one he loves.
You are in college now. There’s a whole world of decent men available to you who have dreams and ambition and who are getting an education. Lose this loser. Gather up your courage, start dating, take your time and find yourself a good person to be with.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
