From India: After my marriage I tried to take care of my all the responsibilities. I came in a joint family after marriage. Although my mother-in-law is died, there are father-in-law, brother-in-law and his wife and me and my hubby live together. I always took care of my all the responsibilities after my marriage from my heart. I never did anything forced but did happily. I am a working woman and it is very tough for me to manage all the festivals, relatives and household duties properly, however I did these thing while going out of the way.
The elder brother’s wife has too many diseases and also is a drama queen. She tries to avoid the work and starts drama of being ill. She told me that she does drama…but to make peace in home I never did her complaint to anyone. But day by day she started to hold everything as she if is my mother-in-law. She does a lot of chatting with our father-in-law..but I don’t have time also not like much to talk to him.
After 8 years I dont know what happened to my father-in-law, he started to hate me and used to say bad words to me. Whatever I did for his family, today he denies for everything and as per him I did not do any thing for his house but only his elder son’s wife did. I got too much hurt. And after making some excuse we(my hubby and me) left the house and started to live seperately.
But now whenever we call him or he calls us..he used to use bad words all the time and says very good words about the elder doughter-in-law. While he knew the cunningness of that lady..but now adays he called everything good about her. She is at high now a days and I am very bad lady for his house.
I don’t know what to do with these guys, as now I dont respect them and dont want to go there even for a single day. But my hubby force me to go there at least on festivals or any gathering. I dont know what to do. They hurt me a lot. The elder doughter-in-law is too clever is using our father-in-law’s money by making him fool and doing just stupid chit chat. Please suggest as it is making my crazy.
I’m so very sorry about this situation. I think you and your husband already did the best thing you could do. You moved out of a situation that was hurting you. Now at least you don’t have to deal with your sister-in-law every day. It’s unfair and sad that your father-in-law now believes negative things about you. I do worry that he is being taken advantage of. But your husband is the one to try to talk to him about this, not you.
Your husband wants to visit only on special days. He isn’t ready to give up on his family. I understand that. But I hope he is able to provide you with some protection while you are there. I also hope you can learn to separate your feelings from what these people say. You know their words are not true. You know they are not your friends. You do not have to let their hurtful words hurt you. They are only words. They don’t mean anything. Talk to your husband ahead of time about what you need him to do to help you manage the visit. Plan things you can do or a place you can go to get a break if the situation gets difficult for you. Maybe you can bring a book or some sewing to work on or maybe you can go for a walk to break up the time. Keep the visits as pleasant — and short — as you can. Your husband can then meet family obligations. And you limit how much time you have to manage a toxic situation.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
