From the U.S.: I have seen many psychiatrist and each one gives me a different diagnosis and that is making me confused. I am so depressed and have tried many Meds, IOP, and therapies with little to or no relief. I don’t know what to do or where to go next.
I am getting to the age that I should have a career and starting to transition to full adulthood but I feel hopeless and like a failure. The more I get into my mental health the more depressed I get and the harder it is for me to see a point of putting myself through this pain since I am not getting long term relief.
The more I dive into my emotions, thoughts, feelings, and life events the more my life falls apart. I started my mental health journey 5 years ago and my life went from conquering my fears, doing amazing in college, going out with friends, and taking care of myself to failing out of college, being to embarrassed of myself so I don’t want to go out in public or talk to people, having no goals/hopes/dreams or purpose in life.
Should I just go back to pretending I don’t have issues since I was so successful? I don’t understand how my life got this way or what lead me to this place. I understand some of the things that got me here but I’ve had most of these issues my whole life. I have a physical disability, bullied to the point I wanted to die when I was in 1st grade, sexually assaulted, and was never good enough and was told how I’m not good enough basically my whole life.
Recently, I did have a couple concussion and I discovered that it is’nt normal to hate yourself this much and want to die this much and that you can change those feelings/thoughts. That is when I seeked help and my life went dramatically down hill ever since. What should I do? What can I try that I haven’t already? What am I doing wrong? Or is this just how my life should and will always be?
No. Absolutely not. This is not how your life should always be. Pretending isn’t the answer. A change in treatment might be.
I doubt that you are doing something “wrong.” You and your therapists have been doing the best you could. But sometimes the type of therapy a patient gets is not the right “fit”. It’s possible that you are the type of person who doesn’t do well with in-depth exploration of feelings.
Your description of your experience makes me wonder if you would do better with cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) perhaps combined with training in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). The structure and practical focus of CBT might be a better match. MBSR might help you learn ways to cope with your depression and anxiety.
I apologize if you have already tried that. I only had your brief letter to go on. But if you haven’t explored those techniques, I do urge you to give them a try.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
