Last sunday my fiance broke up with me suddenly, i’m desperate, i’m heartbroken, his family and me think he might be bipolar type 1, he even thought so himself weeks ago, but he just broke up with me, during what i think it could be a manic episode. He swears he is in love with this girl he obsessed over during a previous manic episode with psychotic features, i can see that he’s being manic right now, i want to know if he is coming back to me, to us, we went thru a lot during our long distance relationship, we were about to get our visa to get married, i’m heartbroken and i love him, and i wanna be with him regardless. Is he coming back? How can i approach him? Why this happened? HELP!
If one person in the relationship is unstable, it can cause many problems. It seems that your fiancé is unstable. He may be mentally ill and experiencing a significant psychotic episode. If so, he needs help. It may not be the best time to pursue marriage.
Imagine, for a moment, that the two of you were married and this episode occurred. What would you do? If he acts like this before marriage, expect that it may happen again after getting married. People don’t change simply because they’re married.
You’re also assuming that he may be behaving erratically because of a mental illness. It may be the case but without a professional evaluation, you don’t know that with certainty. You need to know what’s wrong and have a plan for correcting it before you pursue marriage.
You also mentioned that the two of you have been dating long distance. Perhaps you didn’t know him as well as you thought you had. Again, you need to have stability and full knowledge about what you’re getting into when contemplating marriage. Being married means that you are legally bound to another person. It’s important to have a deep understanding about who you are marrying and what they are truly like.
I would recommend thoroughly assessing the nature of this relationship and his problems. Should you marry, his problems become your problems. Is that something you’re ready for? You might gather information by asking his family about his history, behavior, potential psychological problems, and so forth. Gather as much information as you can and use it to determine if he is the right life partner for you.
The fact that he left you for another woman is also something to consider as a possible red flag. He is “obsessed” with another woman. Who is this individual? Why is he interacting with her? To be obsessed is to have an intense interest in something beyond the norm. It would suggest potentially a mental illness or some other problem.
Obviously, you love your fiancé and want to be with him but you need to be certain that this is the best relationship for you. Sometimes, people ignore obvious red flags in relationships for a multitude of reasons. It may be that they don’t want to be alone or are desperate to be loved or many other reasons. Choose a marriage partner wisely. It would be ill-advised to marry someone who has untreated mental health problems and who has left you for another woman with whom he has become obsessed. These are red flags that indicate a potential problem in the relationship, including a potential break with reality, both of which are serious and need addressed.
Perhaps, after receiving treatment, he will be more stable and ready for marriage. Until then, it may be best for you to keep your distance and gather more information about your potential marriage partner so that you can make the best decision about how to move forward. Use this time apart to seriously contemplate if this is the right relationship for you.
Good luck with your efforts. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
