I met my bipolar boyfriend 6 years ago…we fell madly in love and cared for each other, he told me he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it didn’t matter to me cuz he was amazing so I read more on it and educated myself. I considered him my best friend, lover and partner I know he is my soulmate as I’ve never felt like this before … he was my first and only love. He graduated before me and we had a long distance relationship visiting each other and always talking everyday for 6 years . It wasn’t easy at all …we went through a lot during that time … he had several manic and depressive episodes and I recognized all the symptoms. He has been medicated for years but every time the episodes occurs he would break up with me and breaks my heart. It happened at least once a year during our relationship and I always reached back. I always fought for us even when it’s painful and hurtful. I believed in him and us with all my heart and wanted to be there for him to support him We talked about having a future together and we were getting engaged. We are both from different countries … but it didn’t matter at all since they are neighboring countries. He talked to his mom and told her about us she wouldn’t accept me cuz I’m from a different country he told her how I understand him and supports him but she still didn’t care … in his culture he can’t fight his family to accept us. He can’t force me on him even thou there’s nothing wrong with me except being from a different country. He tried for several months until he started to hate his family and to resent them and he broke up with me few days ago saying we don’t have a future after 6 years he breaks my heart and shatter it into pieces. He has been experiencing some mood swings during that time feeling pressured … frustrated and overwhelmed. He still loves me and he knows we will be happy together, but he chose to give up on us … on our future together I feel devastated … hurt … empty and numb. I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t want anyone else besides him Is the stress causing him to act out n that he’s having an episode? (age 26, from Saudi Arabia)
I’m sorry that things are not working out between you and your boyfriend. Unfortunately it sounds like the odds are stacked against you. As you have found out, loving someone with bipolar disorder can be difficult. You have seen him go through some very serious swings over the last six years and you have taken him back even though he has hurt you many times.
You asked if the current stress could have triggered an episode and the answer is yes. It sounds like he is torn between his family, his country and his love for you, which of course would be quite stressful. However, I’m concerned that it’s not just these issues leading to his most recent break up with you. Based on what you describe here, he has a consistent pattern of breaking it off with you when he is not stable. Unless he is able to find more stability in the treatment of his illness, I fear that this pattern will never change. Are you willing to go through these heart breaks for the rest of your life?
I know you love him and have been very committed to him. Your loyalty is noble. But given the history and the current family challenges, I feel that it would be best for you to move on. Healing from heart break is difficult and can take a long time, but it is possible. Many people who thought they had found their soul mate have learned to love again just as deeply, and sometimes even more so. You deserve to be with someone who can give you as much as you give.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts
