hi. im 14. and to be honest, im really depressed. im suicidal almost every night, and sometimes in the daytime. im really mature for my age. i self harm a lot. i suffered for 2 years, stopped, then picked it up again. i have severe depression, bpd, and anxiety. i think im bipolar and ive talked to my mom about it but she doesnt believe me. my parents are extremely harsh on me and i feel i have no reason to live. i just wish somebody out there would listen to me and take me seriously. i think i have some anger issues too, and ive punched walls and taken out my anger on people and my pet cat, which i feel guilty about immediatly afterwards. i dont abuse my friends or pet but i yell and say mean things. i just hate myself and im too scared and depressed and too much of a failure to complete life. i have a therapist but shes stupid and doesnt even listen to me. whatever. i guess this is goodbye to the world sine i want to commit suicide within the next 3 mmonths. i have many plans, i just need some anthehistamines to make sure i dont puke up the pills if i choose that way. i hope someone here listens and doesnt take me for granted and think im kidding. i mean it.
I am sorry for what you’re experiencing. It is difficult to feel that you have no options and no one to talk to but realize that suicide is never the answer. It is always the wrong choice. The problems you are facing can be resolved. Your life can get better. It has for many people and it can for you too.
People may contemplate suicide for many reasons but fundamentally it’s due to the pain that they feel and because they have not yet developed the appropriate coping skills. There are many good ways to deal with the issues that are causing you distress.
You have a therapist but you don’t feel that she’s helpful. Have you told her about your suicidal feelings? If not, you should do so immediately. It is possible that she isn’t helping because you are concealing important personal information from her. It is also possible that she’s providing ineffective therapy. Without more details about your situation, I can’t say with certainty what the problems are.
The fact that you have a therapist shows that your parents understand that you need help. It shows that they care. I would encourage you to tell your parents about your ineffective therapy sessions and your suicidal thoughts. They may be able to assist you in receiving more effective treatment.
You are clearly suffering and you need to make that known to those around you. It also important to realize that at this point in time you are not thinking clearly. The proof is demonstrated by your belief that your situation cannot improve. It can and it has for millions of people before you.
I don’t underestimate your pain. It can feel overwhelming but the truth is, it just feels that way. In reality it is not overwhelming. It hurts but that pain will end and much more quickly with the help of a good therapist. Do not mistakenly believe that the only way to help yourself is to end your life. There are good ways to deal with life problems and those skills can be learned. Please get help now.
If you feel that you cannot protect yourself, go to the hospital or call 911. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
