From the U.S.: Hi. I’m 12. I’m not trying to be offensive, stupid, ignorant, and I’m not self-diagnosing myself, either. First of all, I think I have Aspergers. I’m trying to get diagnosed, although it doesn’t bother me too much. I’m not sure if this is an obsession caused by Aspergers or if it’s something different. I feel like this obsession has lasted alot longer than my other recent obsessions, which usually last only a couple days or months.
My obsession is with abnormal Psychology and mental illness. I think I’ve had it since September or October of 2017, and now it’s February 2018. I love thinking, talking, and researching mental illness. Sometimes I want to change the subject of whatever somebody’s talking about and talk about mental illness. I constantly ramble on and on about it to my parents, although I think they don’t care. Now, that’s probably just typical Aspie stuff, but alot of times when I daydream (usually at school or when I’m trying to sleep) it’s almost always about having a mental disorder, usually a psychotic disorder. Also, it’s been killing me to get diagnosed with Aspergers.
I hate to admit it, but I feel like I actually want to be mentally ill. Sometimes I even like to think I have a mental illness people just haven’t discovered yet. This is kinda hard to explain, but rarely, I might even fake a couple symptoms of a mental illness, not for attention or sympathy or anything from other people, but to convince myself into thinking I’m mentally ill. It’s kinda an urge, really, and I feel like I must do it, even if I don’t want to.
I don’t even know why I have a strong desire to be insane. Maybe it’s because my life is boring, or to understand what it’s like, but I’m really not sure. A couple times I’ve even looked up the causes of some Mental illnesses and see if I could give it to myself, like substance-induced psychosis, or concussions, however I don’t think I’d actually do anything of this, I just want to see if I can.
I analyze myself alot, and try to find symptoms of a mental illness. I also wonder what it’s like in a mental hospital. I don’t think I’m a hypochondriac, they actually worry, and it’s usually something physical. I don’t think I have a Factitious Disorder, I don’t want attention or sympathy from others. Lastly, Should I be concerned about this?
I can’t diagnose you either, not on the basis of a letter. But I’m glad you wrote. It does sound like you’ve gotten caught up in obsessive thinking. You are even thinking about your thinking. I don’t know why you landed on mental illness as the topic. It could just as easily be something else. It does sound like one dimension is that you want to be special in some way. I don’t know why you didn’t pick another way to be special than mental illness. If I were seeing you for therapy, that’s one thing we’d talk about.
Rather than seek out a therapist to diagnose you with Aspergers, why not look for a more general evaluation. Go into the evaluation with an open mind. Yes, you could have Aspergers. But you could also have an anxiety disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder, as only a couple of examples. Once a diagnosis is made, the counselor will make recommendations to you and your parents about how best to help you. Treatment, regardless of the label, does work for most of the people most of the time.
Thank you for writing. It’s a really good idea to deal with this kind of situation while you are only 12, instead of letting it get more entrenched.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
