From the U.S.: Since young I had constant mood swings and extreme emotions. I said things that weren’t logical or had any sense at all. Most of the times I’ll get so mad I’ll hit someone or say horrible things to them. Had problems with self harm and people thinking that something was wrong inside my head.
My family always told me the same thing over and over. They said they didn’t know what was wrong with me and tried to take me to a psychologist, but it didn’t help at all. I’ve passed through depression too. My wise family said I never had nothing in between, never had a balance. It was either black or white they said. No in between. That’s why they thought and still think my emotions are extreme.
Personally I don’t notice when I’m acting this way, I just don’t notice it. Most of the time out of my head I apparently “see” things that aren’t there, but maybe it’s just my mind. I’m mostly bored all the time. Everything gets me bored easily.
I’m sorry if what I’m saying doesn’t have sense, I’m really sorry.
I guess this is due to a bad childhood. I didn’t really have any friends and used to bother other people a lot. Bother them in a physical way hitting them or anything else related, I can’t remember clearly. In elementary I didn’t have any friends, it seemed like there was one person, but they always backed of or left me aside.
During middle school it wasn’t the same, people ignored me even more and I didn’t have friends. As a result I talked with myself and responded like if I was with someone else. That was my way of not getting bored. I still enjoy taking to myself. My mother got scared every time I talked alone and claimed that I was “crazy”. I didn’t really notice my extreme emotions or mood swings until my family told me. I could go from being really happy and joyful to a crisis moment, and I’ll laugh when it wasn’t really meant to. Most of the times when I was crying I started to laugh and felt really happy, then went back to feeling awfull and continue crying. If I had to do a resume then it’s: Mood swings, extreme emotions, talking ilogic things, taking to myself and seeing things that aren’t there.
Although you’ve provided me with a description of your distressing feelings and behavior, you didn’t ask a question. All I can do is respond with what I think you need to know — which is this:
Just because therapy didn’t help at one time doesn’t mean that it isn’t helpful. You just didn’t find the right helper for you. Clearly you are troubled. Clearly you have difficulty making friends and relationships, dealing with your volatile emotions and idiosyncratic behaviors. You may be correct that this all started with the bullying in school, but you haven’t been able to end it. If you could have talked yourself out of the problems, you would have done so long ago.
Please. Listen to the people who love you. They are right to be concerned. They are doing their best to give you solid advice. But they can’t make you help yourself and they don’t have the skills to help you learn to control your moods or behavior.
Make an appointment with a therapist. If you don’t like what is happening in the first few sessions, talk about it. Maybe you and the therapist can adjust how your sessions are going. Maybe you need to look again for someone who is a better “fit” for you.
I wish you well.