I’ve always had an anger problem. Always. It’s just never been as intense as it has been for the past year. I could be laughing and enjoying life one second and in the blink of an eye any little thing could set me off and I have NO control over what I do. It is not ’til hours or even days later that I feel any type of regret or remorse for whatever it is I did or said when in this state. I have three beautiful boys (7, 4, 3) who are the world to me. I would do anything for them. But when I ask them to sit down or stop jumping on the bed and they do it any ways, I’ve had to go outside and either scream, hit something, or even just throw something across the room to “scare them” into listening to me. I do these things to reframe from spanking them because I am scared that I will one day forget they are kids and hurt them. I have spanked them several times but never more than what a simple discipline spanking is. I just dont want to end up doing something I will regret. I really need help to control these feelings or whatever it is that causes me to snap and go dark. Please help me. Like I said I will do anything for my three boys, that is why I am here asking. Begging for some one to help. I don’t want to feel like that anymore. Please.
As you have described, anger has “always” been a problem for you. Lately, you’ve noticed it’s becoming worse, to the point where you have “no control” over your behavior. You fear that you might harm your children. Those are all clear signs that you should seek help.
You have not physically harmed your children, but undoubtedly they are suffering each time you deliberately frighten them. Psychological abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.
As a parent, it is your job to protect your children from any and all danger. Because there are times when you lose control, they are at risk of being harmed by you. You tried to deal with it on your own and it hasn’t been enough.
By seeking professional help, you will be doing the right thing. It is the most responsible course of action. Many communities offer a range of anger management programs and support groups. Choose a therapist who specializes in anger management.
Some people have the mistaken idea that seeking professional help for psychological problems is a sign of weakness. That is simply not true. It is the insightful and intelligent individual who strives to be psychologically healthy and will do whatever is necessary to ensure that outcome.
Anger problems are correctable. Whether or not you seek professional help for a correctable problem is your choice. I hope that you make the right decision. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
