I am 19 and recently i was pregnant… my boyfriend changed his mind a few days after we found out and he wanted me to end it so we split up… i got into a ‘relationship’ with one of my closest friends called helen then she dumped me because she said she wasn’t attracted to women but just wanted to make me feel better. then something went wrong and i wasn’t pregnant any more.
My problem is that i hate myself, i know that what happened was my fault in some way and i just want to curl up into a ball and cry until i die, i have very few friends i am quite fit because i used to do alot of running but now i don’t run any more, i hate everyone who talks to me apart from my brother who i live with, and in my job that’s really not a good thing and if i lose that i have no idea what i’ll do, i have enough money problems as it is.
I have no idea what i should do, what i want to do is just end it but something is stopping me and I don’t know what.
I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. You need support. It would be helpful if you had a support system that you could go to when feeling upset. Your brother’s support most likely helps a great deal but the more help you have the better you may feel. Have you considered counseling or a support group? I would recommend both.
I also noticed that you are blaming yourself for no longer being pregnant. I am not certain why you believe it is your fault. There are many possible explanations for what may have happened. There could have been a medical explanation. That is generally the case with miscarriages.
I would highly recommend seeing a physician (preferably an OB/GYN) to discuss what may have happened with the pregnancy. It would also be wise to have a medical evaluation. That would be especially prudent if you plan on attempting to become pregnant in the future.
You mentioned that you wanted to “end it” but something is stopping you. I am not certain what that “something” is but whatever it is, it needs to be reinforced and built upon. Perhaps it is resiliency. Perhaps it is your will to live. Perhaps you know that your life can improve.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to surround yourself with a strong support system. It can make all of the difference; research shows that to be true for many people. A support system could come in the form of gaining new friends, joining a support group, meeting with a mental health professional, among other ways. Psychology Today is a helpful website where you can find a list of therapists in your community. I hope you’re able to find support. Thank you for your question.