Awhile back my husband asked me to take videos of my sister naked after she took a shower. I told him no, but he kept bugging me until I finally gave in. He told me he would not ask anymore, but he still does. It has gotten to the point to where I can’t be around her without him asking for “pic pics”. It makes me hate her and despise him. He asks me why I cant just accept that it is what turns him on but it hurts because I should be enough. Ive always been second best to my sister. She was a goody goody and I was rebellious. So she always got what she wanted, whereas I ended up on the streets bc I got tired of living in a place where I felt alone. She has always has tons of friends. My husband is all I have and now it seems as if she has won him over as well. She is 18 and thin and blonde so I get the attraction but it still kills me to see him act this way. It’s my fault for giving him the photos in the first place. We have only been married for 11 months and have our first child on the way. I don’t want to give up hope that he will change yet but he won’t let it go even though it is ruining our marriage. He watches me cry and it’s as if he doesn’t care. We are both very young. He is 24 and I am 22. This is why I am hoping he will grow out of this. But it has become an obsession and it hurts more than anything I have ever felt. I just wish I could get him to see what it is doing to us. What should I do?
I’m really sorry that you are finding yourself in this situation. First of all, you should make it clear to him that you made a mistake when you gave in to his request to video tape your sister in the first place and that you will never do it again. Your husband is very, very wrong for asking you to do this, especially without her consent. I understand that you and your sister have had issues in the past, but none of this is her fault.
I also realize that you and your husband are both young and that there is a broad variety in what people find sexually arousing, but the fact that he coerced you into doing this in the first place, she did not give her consent, and he continues to harass you for more, makes this all a recipe for disaster.
Be firm when you tell him no. He chose to marry you, not her, and if he loves and respects you he will honor your boundaries. If not, it’s either time for marital therapy or a divorce attorney.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts
