I’m a freshman in high school, just starting therapy bc of social anxiety and mild depression. We’ve had 3 sessions so far. My therapist is a man and I’m a girl, and having anxiety doesn’t make it great when talking with the opposite gender. Ive also avoided telling my therapist about things or lied about it bc I feel uncomfortable sharing my thoughts with someone else. The first time, I admitted about having suicidal thoughts to my therapist, which I’ve never told anyone else before, and I cried a lot afterwards.
Having social anxiety makes me genuinely afraid of sharing things with someone else, even though my therapist has told me that he won’t judge me or tell anyone else about it. I’m very used to having thoughts all to myself. My therapist is a very good man, he can talk to me easily even though we’re far from the same age group and encourages me on my hobbies. But sometimes I would pop up thoughts like, “he’s just doing this to be nice,” “it’s just part of his job,” etc. I don’t know why these thoughts come up and they bother me a lot. I’m very scared of someone not caring enough about me.
I just really don’t like sharing my thoughts with someone else, to me it’s very difficult to form it into words and actually tell someone else or write it down.
Do I address this with my therapist? If I do, I don’t know how should I start it. I’m still uncomfortable around my therapist since we’ve only just started.
I think that you identified the main problem when you wrote the following: “I’m still uncomfortable around my therapist since we’ve only just started.” That makes perfect sense. You don’t know him very well yet. It is uncomfortable to discuss your most intimate thoughts with a relative stranger. Relationships, therapeutic relationships included, take time to build. The more you and he work together, the more you will learn trust him and his advice.
In addition to having only just met him, three sessions ago, you have social anxiety. The nature of social anxiety is being uncomfortable around other people, especially people who you don’t know very well. The social anxiety might make therapy more difficult for you, compared to someone without the added social anxiety.
You may not see it this way but the fact that you have shared your suicidal thoughts with him is major progress. That had to be difficult for you but you did it. That’s a step in the right direction.
Yes, you should address this problem with your therapist. Your feelings are perfectly natural and he’ll know how to help. One key to success in therapy, is honesty. Being honest will make it easier for him to understand what’s wrong and advise you accordingly.
The next time you have a therapy session, simply say you have something you would like to discuss and proceed to tell him what you wrote in this letter. You might even show him the letter you wrote to us. It articulately and succinctly outlines your concerns and it would give him a deeper understanding about what you are thinking. You are off to great start. Keep up the good work. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
