I am 17 diagnosed with Manic Depression, and Cluster B Trait. I am currently on Prozac and Resperadone (pardon my spelling).
Lately I have been discussing the strangest conversations in my head. Let me explain. I think I’m different and that I have a power no one else posses. I’m not human. And I discuss in my head that my kin (aka master) will be coming to pick me up. That’s just one conversation not enough time to discuss all of that.
I don’t let myself sleep because I feel like I will be attacked or worse taken advantage because of who I am. I came home one day the back door was open (my brother says it wasn’t but I’m pretty sure it was) so I grabbed the stake knife and walked through out the house to see myself in the mirror with a knife… I sat in the living room quite course TV, phone, internet wasnt working. He might have found me…hopefully I’m about to turn whole.
I know others can read my mind. They look at me funny when I think about things as if they heard me. They are stronger than me. But the moon is my strength.
Am I schizophrenic? I need to know…. Because reality and dream world all seem to blend into one big dark hole and I’m lost in there somewhere….who am I?
I can’t determine if you have schizophrenia based upon a brief correspondence. Though I cannot provide a diagnosis over the Internet, your symptoms are concerning. Your thoughts are not reality-based. For instance, you described feeling nonhuman, having extraordinary powers and believing that people can read your mind. None of those things could be true yet they feel very real to you. You seem to have had a break with reality, also known as psychosis. Psychosis is associated with disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
You said that you “don’t let yourself sleep.” Your lack of sleep is likely exacerbating your symptoms. Without the proper sleep, your symptoms will worsen.
It seems as though you are in frequent contact with mental health professionals. You should immediately report your symptoms to them. Your treatment team may want to change your medication and revise your treatment plan. Changes to your medicine could stabilize your symptoms and allow you to function normally again. Tell them about your symptoms immediately.
Your safety, and the safety of others, is of paramount concern. It’s alarming that you recently felt compelled to protect yourself with a steak knife from an imaginary attacker. Surely, this incident frightened your family. If you feel as though you may be a danger to yourself or to others, call emergency services. Don’t hesitate to call for help.
There may be a few things you can do to help yourself more, too.
- Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself is crucial for your overall well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, mindfulness, or creative pursuits.
- Connect with Loved Ones: Spending time with friends and family members who support and care for you can help you feel more connected to yourself and your identity. Reach out to those who are important to you and make time for quality connections.
- Reframe Negative Thoughts: Try to reframe negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself into a more positive light. This can involve challenging unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with more realistic and self-compassionate perspectives.
- Reflect on Your Interests and Values: Take some time to reflect on your personal interests and values. Engaging in activities that align with your passions and beliefs can help you feel more connected to your authentic self.
- Set Small, Achievable Goals: Setting small, achievable goals for yourself can help boost your confidence and provide a sense of purpose. This can involve setting goals for personal growth, self-care, or pursuing your interests. Celebrate your successes along the way and be gentle with yourself as you work towards your goals.
Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
