Q: Im not sure how to explain this but hopefully you can help me i dont feel comfortable talking to my close friends or family about this situation. I honestly feel that im a socially acceptable person but i dont understand why i can even motivate myself to go to work or class. im a very punctual and responsible person and everyone i know seems to trust me. I’ve always been a depressed person and i honestly believe its because of my inability to hold a relationship. I have some great friends and if it wasnt for them i would have probably committed suicide already. Im 22 years old and apparently girls see me as absolutely repulsive becuase no one wants to have a relationship with me. Im at a point where i don’t know how much better i can improve myself to others i mean i work all the time i do great in school. I know that its just my self esteem but no matter what i do i cant get a relationship started with anyone i talk to. Im starting to feel like maybe i should go ahead and commit suicide, maybe that would get me out of this hellous competition that im faced with. Everyday i get out of school, yet i do well, i like to drink to try and forget my stress. I kind of feel like im experiencing the adolescent form of self efficacy which i dont know how to change anyway. Im sorry im hoping that you might be able to analyze what im saying and help me out here because ive been taking psychology courses in school and i cant even figure out why i feel the way i do. Ive had a very caring family even though i feel some have taken advantage of me. This might be very confusing for you but if you could help me figure out how i could motivate myself to keep on living but yet i do anyway. I feel that if i can make it through the day with school and work the im one step closer to being a happy person otherwise right now if i got shot or hit by a car then God would be doing me a favor because i feel that the only reason i continute to work and go to school is to improve my self esteem which isnt working by the way so if you can analyze what i need to do to improve this let me know. But i honestly feel its because i cant get a relationship
Thank you for writing. What you are experiencing is pretty common at your age. I know that doesn’t make it better. But I’m hoping that knowing that other people go through times like this is a bit reassuring.
I think maybe you aren’t finding a partner because you’ve become too focused on yourself. You are so anxious about what is wrong that you are probably putting out a vibe that says to girls that you aren’t really available. To change that, you need to change your approach. You have a lot to work with. You are smart, sensitive, responsible, and trustworthy. Now put those characteristics to use. Find something you can do to make the world a better place. Do some community service or get involved with the presidential campaign, for example. Join up with other people who have similar interests and make something positive happen. If you do these things, the self-esteem issue will probably take care of itself. If you work side by side with other people to make a difference, you will get out of yourself and you’ll meet good people who will want to meet you. And, please, stop drinking. Alcohol is a depressant. It may be helping you avoid your feelings but it isn’t helping you solve your problems. Give all this 3 – 6 months of real effort and see where it takes you.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
