From a teen in Hong Kong: Since the beginning of secondary school, I’ve been noticing that I’ve been feeling more down. And I also experienced an increase in anxiety. I’ve always been an anxious kid, but this increased and now it has reached to the point where sometimes I can’t eat in public much. Since I am dealing with overweight issues, i feel like anything everyone will be thinking why I’m eating even though I’m fat already. My family don’t understand this, they keep on eating outside while I just want to go home.
My father was abusive towards my mother. He was a alcoholic and would regularly come home drunk. And he was a big cheater. My mother forgave him for his cheating habits multiple times. He fathered two children with two different women. They are divorced now.
I’ve been lying more frequently. When people ask me if I’ve ever been suicidal, if I’m depressed, if I’ve ever had really bad things happen to me, my answer is always no. I never tell my closest friend anything I’m going through. I don’t think they care.
I hate my life. My main emotion I feel like is anger and loneliness. I always feel angry, most of the time with no reasons. And I feel like I might lash out, and I’m really scared if that happens. Cause I’ve been holding my anger for years. I’ve been thinking about death since 3 years ago, nothing motivates me. I’ve tried reading motivational quotes and articles about why I should not feel depressed or be suicidal, but they don’t help at all. I’ve been to the doctors a lot for stomach issues. They don’t really have answers and the medicines they give me don’t help.
I feel my friends don’t care about me. That they just took me in the group cause they feel bad for me.I feel so lonely sometimes I want to cry. I feel like no one will love me, I’m so serious that no one will love me. I can’t imagine in the future that I will get a partner.
I do want to go see a professional, but they costs a lot here. And I don’t think my mother understands what depression is. I think I’ll be lying to my therapist about how I really feel.
I’m sorry if this is a big mess.
Your letter is only a reflection of how you feel. It’s a “mess” because you feel like a “mess”. You are so discouraged about the possibility of making changes that you are giving up on yourself — even more than your friends have. Generally, teenagers don’t hang around with someone just because they feel “bad” for them. It’s more likely they like you but are as discouraged as you are about how to help you.
I agree with you. Some professional help would probably be helpful. But only if you are honest with your feelings. We therapists only have what people tell us to go on. If you do decide to see someone, please take this letter and response with you and share it. Doing so will help the therapist quickly get to your issues and be more helpful.
It might also be a good idea for you to share your letter with your mother as a way to help her understand how seriously discouraged you really are.
If seeing a professional isn’t possible, please look into joining a support group here at LifeHelper. Go to the “Find Help” tab on the home page. Then click on the “forums and support groups”. You will probably find a group of people who can offer you support and practical advice.
I wish you well.