I’ve been trying to get my life back on track and I’m failing. I want to feel happy and be who I used to be. My best friend of over two years is moving away in a few months and I probably won’t ever see her again.
I feel like I’m losing myself. I constantly belittle myself and degrade myself even after people give me compliments. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I’ve battled depression for about five years. I used to be very close to my father but after he remarried, I feel like our relationship has been dwindling. Whenever I’m over at his house he never really pays attention to me so I set myself aside from everyone. Even when I’m at my mom’s house.
I want to feel like I belong. I want to be confident and not hate myself. I also have cystic acne and that’s part of the reason why I have such a problem with myself. I don’t know how to regain feeling. I’ve been numb before and this is somewhat worse.
My brother was joking around saying he was going to die and my first thought was “Oh well”. I love people but I don’t at the same time. I hate being social but I yearn for someone to notice when I’m gone or for them to want me. I just need to know what’s wrong with me…
I think that you might already know what’s wrong. As you wrote, you have been depressed for about five years. In addition, your best friend is moving away. It’s difficult to lose close friends. It makes sense that you are feeling more sad than usual.
Here are some actionable ideas to help resolve this problem. First, speak to your father about your “dwindling” relationship. If he knew how he felt, he might change his behavior. You should also tell him about your depression and how you are upset about losing your best friend. Make him aware of these problems. He may be able to help.
Second, you should also tell your mother about what’s wrong. Ask that she take you to counseling. She could help you find a mental health professional who specializes in treating depression in teenagers. Counseling is one of the best treatments for depression.
Third, consult a doctor about your cystic acne. If possible, choose a dermatologist who specializes in treating this condition. You might find a good dermatologist through Internet research. Ask your parents to help you find a good doctor. If the first one doesn’t help, the second one might. If the second one doesn’t help you, the third one might. Just keep trying. Not all dermatologists are equally good.
Lastly, you could relieve your daily stress by journaling. Writing about strong emotions can provide intense relief. It could help you process difficult emotions and clarify your thinking. I hope these ideas help, if only in some small way. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
