From 15-year-old girl in Canada: Recently I felt like my parents really hate me. One thing I noticed is that they are letting my brother go into the career path he wants to go into but not me. I am interested in fashion and want to have a career in it, but my parents think otherwise. My dad usually calls me an idiot or stupid and says that my brother is smarter and brighter than me when I have a straight A average and am on high honor roll at school. But they still think I am incompetent for anything. My mother didn’t call me stupid or anything.
All he would say is that I was fat or ugly. I am so self conscious that I have started asking my friends at school if I am over weight and they have said no. But now even my mother has started to call me fat. Now I have recently decided to apply to Ivy League Universities, but my parents think its a waste of time. I also want to do this summer program at a local university about Law, which I am thinking of going into, but they have said no to that too. I don’t know what to think or what to do. There are other things, but I don’t have time to write everything down.
I’m so sorry your parents aren’t supportive. I’ve had many letters like yours from teens whose parents don’t seem to see them for who they are. There are as many reasons as there are families. But regardless of the reason, it is painful and lonesome to feel like the people who should love you the most aren’t able to do so.
When that is the case, the best thing you can do is forgive them and love them for their strengths and look elsewhere for the support you need. With a straight A average, I’m guessing there must be a teacher or school guidance counselor who can help you look into scholarships for the summer program and for college in your future. Find out what private scholarships and grants are available. Then make sure you do the things you need to do to be eligible. That definitely means you need to keep high grades. If you aren’t already involved in a community service project, it would be a good idea to join one.
I’m glad you checked with your friends about your weight. Believe them. Your parents are not credible. For some reason, they don’t want you to feel good about yourself. Drop your end of the argument. It’s only making you miserable. Ignore their comments. They don’t matter. What matters is what you see in the mirror and what your friends say.
If you think it would be helpful, you could ask your counselor or teacher to talk to your folks. If you think it will only make matters worse, then don’t. Just go about the business of making a good future for yourself.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
