From the UK: I’m so confused with my own mentality, one side of me loves to be alone and would avoid meeting and maintaining relationships with friends or putting any effort into these friendships at all. I guess this is because I don’t like to compromise on my daily routine or in life …so selfishly, if I meet with someone it will be because I want to. Which is rare.
I also like the feeling of being by myself because I’m granted so much freedom to do what i want … for example I like to do my artwork and prefer to be alone when doing this. I also HATE small talk, the only thing that would get me to meet with someone is a real deep and meaningful conversation. Even my closest friend I couldn’t have a deep conversation with, in fact when I was at uni my friends used to smoke cannabis and instead of smoking it I would let them smoke it just so I could have an excuse to talk deeply and not be seen as weird.
However, this side of me (the one that craves real conversations) is the side that gets so depressed when im alone …even though another part of me enjoys it. its hard to explain, but somehow i have feelings of joy for being alone but then in that instant feel sad for being alone.
what is wrong with me? on top of both these personalities i also get “the grass is greener” mentality a lot which means that when im on my own i don’t relax fully because part of me wants to be socializing and when im socializing i don’t enjoy it fully because part of me just wants to be at home relaxing with out anyone to tie me down.
I apologize if this doesn’t make too much sense, it was hard enough for me to figure out what i wanted to say just to put it into words. I don’t even know what im asking, more than just what is wrong with me? How do i find people i can have really deep conversations with other than hiring a psychologist haha? how do i annihilate this “grass is greener” mentality so i can be content with any decision that i make?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I don’t think there is anything “wrong” with you. What you are describing isn’t that unusual for an introvert. Some people by nature need more alone time than others to feel comfortable and to regroup within themselves before re-engaging with others. Many people mistakenly believe that introverts are shy or don’t want to be with people. That isn’t true. They value deep relationships as much as anyone else. They just need private time to balance the drain of emotional energy that comes with social contact. I think you will find comfort in doing some reading about temperament (introverts and extroverts) on the web. That might help you be at peace with what you call your “grass is always greener mentality”.
As for your need for more meaningful conversation: Maybe you are telling yourself you need some more intellectually stimulating friends. Consider taking some advanced classes in art or philosophy (or anything that interests you deeply) or joining a book club (where people really talk about the books) or attending lectures that are offered publicly. Participation in such activities will help you meet people who will converse on the level you crave.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
