From the U.S.: I hate to be seen in public, I am very self conscious. I always feel like I am fat. I always think of worst case scenarios, for example, my husband will leave to go to the store and I’ll worry that he’ll get in car accident. I worry a lot that my children will hate me when their older. When ever someone asks me for advice I am always negative. I get angry over nothing. I hate it. Anything will set me off such as just having to repeat myself will make me extremely upset. I have a hard time falling asleep at night because I am afraid someone will brake in and kill me while I’m sleeping. I will think about a situation over and over in my head and I have to tell my self constantly to stop thinking about it because I get so upset mostly thinking that I looked like an idiot.
I question myself because I did go to counseling before and the counselor wrote me off from the beginning. I’m calm when I meet people I’ve never met before and I smile because I’m nervous, even though in my head I’m freaking out. She asked me if I thought I had anxiety and I asked her what it was and, before I could answer, she cut me off and said no you don’t have that. She said she would write that I had a light mood disorder so my insurance would cover the counseling. Some sessions were only 15 mins and she never asked me what my actual symptoms were. So I quit going. Now I’m extra paranoid to even go to a doctor because I feel like they won’t believe me or they’ll think I’m a liar. I don’t know what to do but I feel out of control.
What a hard, hard way to live. I hope this response will encourage you to get the help you need. No one should have to cope with this kind of pain day in and day out.
From the information you included, I do think you have an anxiety disorder. I don’t know why the counselor rejected that idea so quickly. Perhaps she didn’t understand the level of your distress. Perhaps your anxiety prevented you from sharing enough information. Whatever the case, please, please don’t give up on all therapists because of your negative experience with one. Therapists are just like other people: They come with different personalities, different training, and different experience.
You were probably right to quit treatment at the time. You and the therapist were not on the same page about your diagnosis or your treatment. If you were paying for a 50 minute hour, you deserved 50 minutes of focused treatment. But that negative experience doesn’t mean that you don’t need treatment. You do.
Please do make an appointment with another counselor. If you could take care of the problems, you would have done so already. Take your letter and this response with you to the first appointment. You did a fine job laying out the problems. Reading it may help the new counselor understand the extent of your pain.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
