From Iran: I am a PhD candidate of structural engineering. I have a proposal of marriage from a man who is a PhD of pharmacy and 35 years old. He is the faculty of a good university in my country. I think he suffers from depression. He does his works very slowly. He has so few friends and has not any special fun except listening to classic music and watching movie. He says that he wakes up easily by a weak sound at night.
He regrets why he did not marry with one of his classmates during study at university because of having no job and money (he did not talk about special person, he said it generally). He says that he knows his classmates for 6 years and it was long enough to know a person. But now he has not enough time to know and should marry with a person who knows for a short time.
We know each other for 4 months and we are far from each other and he calls me three times a week and talks 1 hour maximum. I like to talk more but he does not. he does not ask me any special question to know me. I ask questions most of the times.
He said that he loves his works but also he complains the conditions.he says that he is an introvert and calm person. I think that he is depressed. He does not feel happiness of his life. However,he says jokes some times. I laugh one or two times during talking with him.
I am an extrovert and energetic girl with high social relations. I love travel, tennis, music and poem. Please help me to know am I right? Does he have any mental problem? Best Regards
I think you are asking the wrong question. I don’t know if he is depressed. But I do wonder if he is the man for you. From your letter, it sounds like this man barely knows you but is offering marriage. Although he states he loves you, he also indicates he is hurrying to marry because he thinks he missed meeting the right person while in college. That isn’t a very compelling basis for making a lifelong commitment.
Also of concern is how different you are. I don’t know if he is clinically depressed but he certainly doesn’t sound very happy or very involved with life. You, on the other hand, have many interests and like to be with people. Imagine what it will be like to be married to him. Will he be content to stay at home while you go off to do things with friends? Will you like doing things by yourself? Or do you think you will have to adapt to his lifestyle and give up all the things you like to do to be married to him?
If you are seriously considering marrying this man, I hope you will find a way to spend some extended time with him to see what it’s like to be a couple. If you can’t do that, I hope you will talk deeply and seriously about his expectations and yours for what it means to be a married couple. Are you compatible enough?
You are young. You have plenty of time to find someone else if the two of you aren’t a match. Both of you deserve to have a happy life with a partner who really wants to be with you.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
