I am a 17 year old male and I live in Boise, Idaho. I have had chronic insomnia for a while and I simply can’t sleep but when I do I sleep a lot. I have an IQ of 150 and I heard that high IQ individuals usually stay up late. The chronic insomnia however makes me have sound hallucinations sometimes and I constantly lose touch with reality, I sometimes pace around the room in bliss while making weird grimaces. I only do so at home when alone. I sometimes feel like losing it and running around like crazy in public or flying into a rage. I barely manage to control myself.
I also sometimes erupt into wild laughter especially at night for no apparent reason. I have to motivate myself to take a shower these days or to brush my teeth; it takes a lot of mental effort. As such I only shower twice per week or five times per week when I have school.
I write a lot and I would like to publish novels although I would like to be a Psychiatrist, so writing would be a secondary profession. Since childhood I’ve had a love for books and I read a lot. Recently however I read less and books that took five days to finish initially now take one month.
This is because I feel that I have to read perfectly as though in public. I have racing thoughts and I constantly guess sentences before even reading them. When I discover my assumptions were false I literally beat myself or bang my head against a wall, I do this to the point that I can’t bear the pain so I read the sentences correctly. This makes reading books unpleasant so I read less.
I also get anxious when asked to read in class for fear that I won’t read well. I also don’t talk much and prefer to be alone due to the unpleasant feelings I associate with socialization so naturally when I talk people are like: “He talks?” and they give me their full attention which exacerbates my anxiety. I therefore stay indoors most of the time and I leave the house only when I have to or to go to school.
I also hate sunlight and all other forms of light, they annoy me. I have f.lux on my phone and laptop but our classrooms are well lighted and my mom says she “hates” darkness so I practically rejoice when she’s not at home. I have very sensitive ears that can pick up the smallest sound so I obviously hate noise. However, my family is one of the noisiest families around so I absolutely hate being with them. My classmates are noisy too so I hate them. My room is dark and I tried my best to soundproof it.
These are the problems I have.
Your symptoms are concerning. Clearly you are suffering. What you did not include in your letter is whether you have ever had treatment. There are treatments for all of the symptoms you have described. Medication and psychotherapy could help. Without treatment, your symptoms will likely worsen.
Psychosis is often indicative of a mental health disorder. It is associated with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, and several others. It’s imperative that you seek treatment as soon as possible. With psychotic disorders, early treatment and diagnosis are important and can lead to improved recovery and outcomes.
If you have not done so already, tell your parents about your symptoms. They can assist you with finding treatment. You should consult both a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist. Both psychotherapy and medication can effectively treat your symptoms. You might also need to see a sleep specialist. Your primary care physician can refer you to the appropriate treatment professionals. Please seek help as soon as possible to prevent the worsening of your symptoms. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle