From a teen in the U.S.: I have an extremely low self esteem for no apparent reason; my mom and my family always go out of their way to tell me im beautiful, and sometimes i feel that way, but sometimes i feel horrible, which is selfish when i think about it. I also feel really self conscious about my personality, since it feels like no one likes me, maybe thinks im annoying or that im not worth talking to them.
Before i would talk to my best friend about this, but out of no where a week ago she completely made it impossible to contact her, all her social media and messages never make it to her, which makes me feel bad cause she knew how i was feeling suicidal at the time, and just cut me off like nothing.
My other friends who i thought were close to me just hang out with each other with out inviting me, and that makes me think if anybody ever even realized i wasn’t there. People tell me im funny, the funniest person they know, they tell me they love me, and then go out of their way to not invite me places.
In my freshman year of high school, i transferred out of my towns public system and instead went to a private high school, which i hated. I was born here, but i dont look like it since both of my parents come from south of the US border, so people would call me things like border hopper.
Just recently (about 3 months ago) i transferred back to my towns public system to go to my sophmore year of high school, it was nice at first, seeing all my friends and feeling like: hey, now that im back maybe i wont feel so alone anymore. But im back to feeling like an extreme waste of space, the only reason i dont kill my self is because i love my mom and family way too much to do that to them.
I know family is the most important thing, but i cant help but to feel lost when i see all the people that i considered my closest friends hanging out without me. I also get mad easily and yell and start crying, and then the next day i feel super lively and jumpy. Even my family says it, but ive never gotten any help for it.
I suspect that the majority of teens deal with self-esteem issues, whether or not they have a strong and supportive family like yours. The teen years are a time of emotional and social uncertainty. You are figuring out who you are and who you want to be. Friends often seem fickle because they are also figuring out who they want to be and how to be with other people.
You have changed schools twice. In each place, the kids have already made their “friend group” where they feel safe. It probably isn’t personal that they aren’t incorporating you. I’m worried about the friend who seemed to drop out of sight. That may have nothing to do with you. She may have big troubles of her own.
The “cure” for your loneliness is to stop obsessing about it and to start doing things about it. Join school clubs or teams that interest you. Volunteer for some community service work that other teens are doing. When people do things together, they become more interested in each other and more bonded.
Don’t keep score about who is doing the inviting. If you want to spend time with people, invite them to do things with you — like going to a movie or school event. If you want them to celebrate your culture, consider asking your folks if you can invite some people you like over to your house for a real South of the Border dinner.
Self-esteem grows by doing, not by thinking. Get doing and you will develop that higher self-esteem you long for.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
