Lately especially, but i have felt this way for a very long time, I think about killing people, animals, or general destruction of surrounding items. I have been extremely fascinated by horror and gore. i have never found it scary or disgusting but actually the opposite. i enjoy it a lot. i don’t really bother watching movies unless there is someone being terrorized. in class or everyday life my mind wonders to heavy detailed scenarios in which i am hurting or killing someone. i don’t purposely think about it but once i do i don’t try to stop it either. i tend to enjoy it to be honest. i don’t really care who is in the “day dream” or what they are saying or feeling. i don’t really care if they know me or if I’ve known them in a close relationship. i think about my “friend” or my whole family dying a lot and it doesn’t bother me at all. i just don’t care really. today i had a thought about killing my “friend” because she tried to talk to me during lunch. she told me ” you don’t understand basic human feelings” and i honestly don’t. she was sad and i couldn’t care if i tried. i have people who want to talk to me but it end to get very angry at the thought of someone trying to interact with me. i have been planning murders and ways to get away with them for a very long time now. i could watch everyone i know die and not cry at all. i have no problem with lying to or manipulating the people closest to me to get what i want to cause them to be inconvenienced. i fell like people are out to get me a lot. and sometimes i see or hear things that aren’t their. the things i see are usually people hurt and the things i hear are usually people telling me things to do that are “bad” i sometimes hear things in music that weren’t said either. is there something wrong with me? should i care? and why do i love the idea of causing pain and suffering?
Yes, you should care. Your thoughts and feelings are abnormal. They might indicate that something is wrong. Happy, well-adjusted people don’t fantasize about killing.
You did not provide information about your day-to-day life or about what could be wrong. If I were interviewing you in person, I would inquire about your current life situation. It would help me to understand why you might be having these fantasies. Sometimes, when people experience personal hardships in their own lives, they have fantasies about power, control and domination.
It would be best for you to stop watching films and or reading materials that encourage these types of fantasies. Avoid them altogether.
If this continues to be a problem, you should be evaluated by a mental health professional. He or she could determine what’s wrong and help you to develop new ways of thinking about the world.
Finally, if you feel as though you can’t control your behavior, then call emergency services or go to the hospital. They can protect you from harming yourself or others. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
