I met this friend on the first day of college freshman year (we are soon to be juniors) and it has become increasingly apparent that something is not right. My other friends actually sat me down to tell me they thought she was genuinely in love with me, but I thought they were just being dramatic. She has always been a little nuts (yelling at guys she doesn’t like, getting belligerently drunk, etc). I thought she was just a lot of fun and I didn’t mind be friends with someone a little out there. Everything changed when 4 of my best friends (including her, who was my best friend at the time) got an apartment together. It’s too hard to explain so let me just list things that have happened and are happening:
– she screamed at guests we had over for being too loud and insulted them when she could have just asked for quiet (by the way she is the loudest person I know)
– Recently, we had to take her to the emergency room when I got a call from my friend saying she was unresponsive and needed to go to the ER. When I showed up she started yelling to everyone to fuck off and to only let me near her when I wasn’t even the one at the time helping her
– We went out one night and she got so angry at me for not wanting to go to the same club as her that she yelled at me in public
– Every time I go out with her she drinks so much that I have to follow around and take care of her ALL night
– she tells every person she meets that I am her best friend and that we are attached at the hip
– She spent over 1k on me both my birthdays even though anyone who knows me knows I would NEVER want that
– she constantly talks about how we will be each others bridesmaids
– she follows me around for entire days and nags me constantly to hang out with her
– she gets very jealous and angry when I have other friends. She has straight up bullied my new roommate since she moved in
She has had an extremely hard life and I feel so guilty but I can’t do it anymore, help?
There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Based on the contents of your letter, you didn’t do anything wrong and thus there is no reason to feel guilt. The fact that she’s had a hard life has nothing to do with you.
You are not a therapist nor can you help her with any of the problems she may have. A therapist would be in the best position to help her. They have the specialized training to help people with problems and difficult lives. You do not have that training and thus have no power to help her. She needs professional help.
If you no longer wish to be her friend, then it would be wise to stop all contact with her. All contact means all contact. This means not accepting text messages, phone calls, visits, etc. It may be difficult, for a host of reasons, but likely necessary to protect yourself against an unstable person. If she continues to contact you, despite your having told her you want no contact, then you might need to alert the police. They can protect you against unstable and potentially dangerous people. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle
