From the U.S.: For the past 4 years, I’ve been experiencing memories of bad stuff that’s happened as a kid. I have been bullied at school and have issues communicating with people and family. I don’t have to many friends and have a hard time talking with people. I get extremely irritated around a lot of people.
When left home alone I tend to get nervous or scared. When experiencing the flashbacks of bad memories, I cry or scream. As a kid I watched my mom get psychically attacked by my father. I tend to keep most of the stuff I saw or felt to myself.
My parents around the age of 7 got divorced. I constantly moved every two years. When I first was required to see my father, he would either drive us around drunk or leave me and my sster alone down stairs in the house.
Over the last couple of years this has been happening, anything bad that happens causes me to have a “Mental Breakdown”. When the thought of something triggers the flashbacks, I can’t control the screaming or crying. I haven’t told me parents due to the fact the might think I’m doing it for attention.
Also, when the flashbacks occurs I normally sqeeuze my head, or hit my head with my hand to try to make it stop. It doesn’t work. I’m constantly unhappy and tend to pretend I’m happy. Being around dogs tends to help calm me down. When getting in an argument with my sister, I would just walk away, trying not to start lashing out at her. I have also thought of committing suicide twice now.
Most of the time, I spend the day in my room not talking. When around people or family I don’t talk much. I also when intruppeted tend to stop talking for the rest of the day. If at school I tend to sit alone and do nothing. If you can please help me.
You’ve had a very tough up-bringing. There is no shame in having difficulty dealing with it. What you are reporting is not unusual for a kid who has witnessed violence and been bullied.
I really think you need to see a counselor. A caring counselor can help you learn how to manage the flashbacks and can teach you kinder ways to cope when you are feeling over-whelmed.
If you think your parents won’t listen to a request for counseling, you could ask another adult you trust to intercede for you. You might confide in your school guidance counselor or a teacher you trust or your doctor. That person could then help you talk to your folks.
In the meantime, when you are feeling down or scared or suicidal, please contact a counselor at the Boys Town Hotline. (Yes, they talk to girls too.) The number is 1-800-448-3000. Counselors are there 24/7 to provide help and support to teens like you. There is no charge for this service. Here’s their website: http://www.boystown.org/hotline.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
