I am a 25 year old woman and I feel very confused. For some time now, I have experiencing lesbian tendencies. I feel that I am “straight” and have a history of dating men. However, I have always had a problem with having an orgasm while having sex with a man and usually have to do it on my own, even during sex with a man. I find myself to be attracted to women, particularly those I see on TV. I even find myself searching for lesbians on web sites and I find I get extremely aroused when I come across lesbian pornography. I have talked to a girlfriend of mine who has the same feelings (she is also straight), even further than me. She does not believe that this means that we are lesbians and assures me that every girlfriend she has feels the same way about this attraction to women / lesbian pornography. I even fantasize about women when I am trying to get an orgasm with a man. I know I am attracted to men and I am not attracted to the everyday women I see and talk to everyday, only those “fantasy” type of women I see on TV and on pornographic websites. I don’t understand this as I have never even considered pursuing a sexual relationship with a woman. I have thought of experimenting with a woman sexually but would be too afraid or feel too dirty to do it. What is going on with me? Is this normal?
Sexuality exists on a continuum. If you read any of Kinsey’s research you would see that there are some people on the extreme heterosexual end and some people on the extreme homosexual end and lots of people in the middle leaning one way or another. I think bisexuality is rarely discussed and often misunderstood. So there is a possibility that you only fantasize about women and may never act on it. There is also the possibility that you are attracted to both men and women and just have not explored the other side of your sexuality yet. Finally, there’s the possibility that you are a lesbian who has not come out to yourself or others yet. You may want to read more about this on your own and – at some point – you may want to act on your attractions to see if they are real or only fantasy. The American Psychological Association, along with many other professional organizations, does not see homosexuality as abnormal in any way. They state on their website, “Research over several decades has demonstrated that sexual orientation ranges along a continuum, from exclusive attraction to the other sex to exclusive attraction to the same sex. However, sexual orientation is usually discussed in terms of three categories: heterosexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of the other sex), gay/lesbian (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to members of one’s own sex), and bisexual (having emotional, romantic, or sexual attractions to both men and women). This range of behaviors and attractions has been described in various cultures and nations throughout the world. According to current scientific and professional understanding, the core attractions that form the basis for adult sexual orientation typically emerge between middle childhood and early adolescence. These patterns of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction may arise without any prior sexual experience. People can be celibate and still know and realize their sexual orientation-–be it lesbian, gay, bisexual, or heterosexual. Different lesbian, gay, and bisexual people have very different experiences regarding their sexual orientation.”
I wish you the best of luck with your issues.
