From Canada: Hi, I know that my mother is cheating on my dad. A few months ago, my sister heard on the phone with another man. The way she spoke to him was an immediate red flag. My sister told me and I believed her. However, my mom denied it and called us both liars.
I feel like now is a good time to mention that my mother has been mentally and emotionally abusive towards all of us in the past and present, and physically abusive towards me in the past.
We let it go as we were sick of being called liars. Until recently, I have noticed that she will quickly leave the room when her cell phone rings and have hushed conversations on the phone. However, I have heard some of these conversations where she is telling someone that she loves them, calling them baby, etc. I have also found a Facebook page that she had liked and it is for single people. One man has also made a comment on one of her Facebook photos, calling her gorgeous and baby. In addition to this, I have noticed that she downloaded the Tinder app on her phone. When I asked her about it, she lied and said it was an app to look at clothing. Lastly, today, I was home with her. She went into the basement and I just so happened to go into the kitchen when she was on the phone. I heard her having phone s*x with this man, and I recorded it for proof. I believe that having proof is important in case this ever comes up again. This way, she cannot call my sister and I liars.
As for my dad, he is a great man. I have always been a daddy’s girl and not being able to talk to him about this is killing me. He has mentioned that he believes she is cheating. Although now that I have proof, I do not know how to deal with this. I have spoken with my sister about it, although she doesn’t know what to do either.
What should I do? How should I be feeling right now? Please help me. Thank you.
I get far too many letters like this one. The situation is awful for the kids involved. You shouldn’t be playing detective. It’s not your place to get involved with your parents’ relationship. But I do understand that you love your dad and don’t want to see him hurt. He already has suspicions, but he isn’t pursuing them. That leaves you wondering if he wants to know.
You have at least two choices: You could decide to ignore the situation and leave it to your folks to work out their problems. Your mother isn’t being subtle. Your dad will eventually catch on if he wants to.
Or — you could tell your mother what you know and let her know that she can tell your dad herself or you (and perhaps your sister) will tell him. I’m sure this won’t go over well but if is an option if you feel you can’t stand keeping silent. She has already shown you how she will respond. Be prepared for more of the same.
I can’t tell you what is best. You know the situation. You know your parents.
I wish you well,
Dr. Marie
