Hello! So recently, I had been shut down by my boyfriend because he feels that me being extremely distant in social situations is idiotic.
I loathe social gatherings and situations like parties because I constantly fear of interacting with people. I never understood why. I always thought this be a small phase for me but it never went away. I’m an 18 year old high school senior. Being my age, I figure it should be normal to be outgoing but i’m the complete opposite.
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend and I; along with my best friend and her boyfriend had attended a party thrown by another friend. I didn’t want to go cause I constantly worried about how I would look. (I’m quite large in size. I do struggle with my weight so I feel this adds on to my anxiety.) After some discussion with NY boyfriend, I decided to go, regardless of my worries.
When we got there, I began to cling to my boyfriend because I didn’t know anyone else there. He eventually left me behind for some of his friends so I didn’t know what to do. I eventually just sat somewhere and remained there for a good 30 minutes. My boyfriend noticed and looked annoyed with the fact that I wasn’t talking to no one. He eventually introduced me to his friends. I didn’t say much at first but I eventually forced myself to talk. My boyfriend got pulled away by a few of his other friends and that was when one of his friends decided to rudely compare my boyfriends size to mine. He mentioned how big I was compared to him, how I should lose weight and how I wasn’t pretty enough for him. His friends only laughed and backed him up. I sat there frozen stiff, feeling completely humiliated, embarrassed and just overall broken.
Eventually, his friends had left to join my boyfriend again and I quickly had locked myself in the bathroom only to cry for an hour. After, I had quickly grabbed my belongings and left without saying a word.
The overall experience was completely dreadful and I can’t stop thinking about it. It has impacted my social life even more. I haven’t talked to my best friends or boyfriend since then and they desperately have been trying to reach out to me. I haven’t eaten for about a week and do not wish to eat anytime soon. I don’t wish to socialize with anyone, not even my parents. At this point, idk what’s up with me anymore.
It may be that you are naturally more introverted than your boyfriend, or it may that, lacking support, you are developing social anxiety. It sounds to me like you have now fallen into a negative cycle that is making things worse, not better. It goes like this: You aren’t comfortable with people, so you withdraw more and more, which means you don’t develop the skills you need to get comfortable with people, which makes you withdraw — and so it goes.
The incident at the party only confirmed your worst suspicions about being out in the social world. You ran into some bullies. Yes, bullies. Your boyfriend’s so-called friends were terrible to you. But that doesn’t mean that they represent the whole world. Clearly your boyfriend doesn’t care about your size. Neither does your friend. Why should the bullies’ opinions count more?
You can learn how to be comfortable with people. You can learn how to handle bullies. But you probably can’t do it on your own. Your fears have become too great. I therefore strongly urge you to find a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders. With guidance and support, you can overcome your fears.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
