Me and my partner have been in a relationship for 5 years now and everything was fine until I got pregnant with our daughter. When I was pregnant I would find it hard to finish of sex with him due to uncomfort. One night I woke up to him touching me and masturbating, I had a go at him and told him not to do it again. This happened several times until I woke up to him on top of me having sex. I shouted at him again and he said that I would lie in an arousing position? He did this until our daughter was born no matter what I said.
After the baby was born we didn’t have sex because I was still bleeding for three weeks. I thought it had gone back to normal until one night I woke up to him lying on me from behind just finishing. I asked him if he had fully had sex with me and ejaculated with no protection and he had. That was the first time we had sex since the baby was born and I didn’t consent or wasn’t even awake. I had to go to a clinic and get the morning after pill to prevent getting pregnant again.
I felt violated and don’t want him to touch me, we started sleeping apart until I could trust him to not to touch me without my consent but we are still arguing and I don’t want to have sex with him anymore and we don’t even cuddle I don’t know what to do as we have a 5-month-old daughter together? Now when we try to have sex he’s so rough with me he hurts and I have to tell him at least 3 times to stop. His sexual behavior is too much for me he even grabs me when I’m attending to the baby. He only started this when I got pregnant? He was normal before I just don’t understand what I’m doing to make him like this now?
You’re not doing anything to “make him” be like this. Apparently something unhinged your guy when he couldn’t have free access to sex while you were pregnant and recovering from birth. He can’t manage it that he has to share you with your child either.
What he is doing is abuse. He doesn’t take you seriously when you tell him to stop. He isn’t showing you love or respect. Tell him to leave and mean it. The situation is already getting worse. I’m very worried about you and the baby.
The two of you got together when you were only 15. Making a baby doesn’t make someone into an adult. It appears that you have grown up and he hasn’t.
Please look into whether there is a domestic violence program in your area. You need some practical help and some emotional support. If you can’t afford your flat on your own, I hope you have family members or friends who will take you and your baby in. You need to get away from your boyfriend — the sooner the better.
Here are a few ways to can also try to help with this issue.
- Be honest and clear: Be honest with your boyfriend about why you don’t want to have sex. Be clear and direct, but also empathetic and understanding of his feelings.
- Offer alternative forms of intimacy: If you’re not comfortable with having sex, suggest alternative forms of intimacy such as cuddling, hugging, or kissing. This can help maintain physical connection while respecting your boundaries.
- Communicate your needs and desires: Express your needs and desires clearly and openly, and encourage your boyfriend to do the same. This can help build trust and understanding in the relationship.
- Respect each other’s decisions: It’s important to respect each other’s decisions regarding physical intimacy. Rejecting someone’s sexual advances can be difficult, but it’s important to respect each other’s boundaries and make sure that both partners feel comfortable and respected.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on communication, trust, and respect. It’s important to have open and honest conversations about physical intimacy to ensure that both partners feel comfortable and satisfied.
If your boyfriend is not respecting your boundaries and decisions, it is important to address this issue immediately. Here are a few ways to handle the situation:
- Set clear and firm boundaries: Clearly communicate what behaviors are not acceptable and make it clear that these boundaries will not be violated. Be assertive in communicating your boundaries and stick to them.
- Seek support from a trusted friend or family member: Having someone to talk to and support you can help you feel more empowered and equipped to handle the situation.
- Consider couples therapy: Couples therapy can help you both address and resolve conflicts in a safe and structured environment. A therapist can help you both improve communication and respect for each other’s boundaries and decisions.
- Seek help from law enforcement or a domestic violence shelter: If your safety is in danger, it is important to seek help from law enforcement or a domestic violence shelter.
It’s important to remember that it is never okay for someone to violate your boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable. If your boyfriend is unwilling or unable to respect your decisions, it may be necessary to reconsider the relationship.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
