From the U.S.: I’m 16 and I dated a guy who was 15. I thought he was the most amazing guy and then he told me one day that he couldn’t date me anymore because he thought he was in love with my sister. I met him through her, but she said they had been friends forever. She lied to me and told me that she didn’t like him and then after he broke up with me I saw she was telling him she loved him and he was saying the same. They would talk about sex and I felt so betrayed, then a week later he told me he was sorry. He blames it on his depression and I let him because he had tried to kill himself before and I felt bad for him, but I feel like he uses it as an excuse to get away with things. But I stared dating him again and again he broke up with me and would flirt with my sister. He actually blamed it on him being a guy and I should blame testosterone. This time she told him she didn’t like him and all this other stuff and she stopped talking to him completely.
I still talk to him and he’s all I think about, but he doesn’t even treat me the same anymore. He would ignore me for days, which he never used to. I feel like he’s dragging me along with him. I’ve had problems with depression since I was 13 and I feel it coming back. He’s all I think about and I wake up at 3 am because of him. I feel so used because I showed him my body because he told me I could trust him and I thought I could. I feel terrible and I can’t shake off this feeling. It consumes my whole day. I don’t know what to do because I can’t talk to anyone about it and I have to keep it all bottled inside because my family doesn’t believe that people can be depressed. I really need some help because I just go through my days feeling dead inside.
You are learning a hard lesson, but it is good that you are learning it while you are so young. When someone has demonstrated selfishness and lying and breaks your heart, it’s generally not wise to go back for more. This young man isn’t ready to date anyone seriously. At 15, that’s not surprising. But nature is unkind in that young women are generally more ready to commit than boys of the same age. You invested far more in the relationship than he did.
High school dating is complicated and scary. My guess is that you keep thinking about this guy because you don’t really want to get back into the issues that go with being available and unattached. I con’t blame you a bit for that. But I do think this guy isn’t for you — or anyone else for that matter — until he grows up. Let it go. Take some time to be single. Work on developing your own interests and solid friendships. Remind yourself that you are lovable and interesting and that there is someone out there who will value you and cherish you when the timing is right.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
