From a teen in the U.S.: I;ve had a feeling for the past few months that something not right was going on with my mother, she was texting someone a lot, calling someone a lot, and leaving the house more often. But at around 11 o’clock last night i was talking to my mom in her room and i while we were talking she got a text from a guy from a home repair service we use,
anyway i saw the text he sent to her and it went something like “goodnight, talk to you tomorrow baby” and it had a kissy face emoji at the end of it and she just texted back “goodnight” with no hesitation at all. that right there kind of confirmed my suspicion. but after i saw that i kind of got quiet in the conversation and she was asking me what was wrong but i didn’t tell her.
a few hours went by and my thoughts got more and more intense until the point where i had to confront her about it (she was asleep at this point) i went and i woke her up; telling her i needed to talk to her about something. i asked her if she was cheating on my father and she said why would you ask that, so i told her about the text (of course she denied it for a couple minutes) but after that she told the truth.
she told me she was lonely and that my dad works a lot, i told her there was no excuse for what she did and that my father doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. after a couple minutes into the conversation she told me the only reason they were still together was because of the relationship between me and him. Keep in mind that my father has no idea about any of her feeling towards their marriage and he still loves my mother and has never and would never do anything like this to her.
after being completely emotionally destroyed i told her that she needs to end that relationship or i would tell my father, and after that i told her that she needs to leave me alone. i have no idea what to do or what to think or what to feel in this situation. i don’t think that it would be an exaggeration to say my world has been completely turned upside down.
This is devastating for any kid. You did the right thing to talk to your mother. She does need to talk to your father. A marriage is rarely improved when one of the partners has an affair. A marriage is often improved with counseling.
At this point, all you can do is insist that your mom tell your dad. You should not have to hold a secret that is this painful to you. Tell your mom that it is just too hard for you to keep her secret when you know she is hurting the father you love. Go back to your original statement — that she needs to tell him or you will talk to him about your suspicions. If she suggests you will be to blame for ending the marriage, please don’t accept that idea. She is the one who is violating her marriage vows, not you.
Then get out of it. The state of their marriage is up to them. Whatever happens between them, they can each still have a loving and honest relationship with you. Focus on your relationship with each of them and leave them to figure out what to do about their marriage.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
