From the U.S.: My son’s wife I believe brainwashed him. We were a very close family up till the day after he married this Armenian woman. We, meaning the whole family, grandmother, sister, cousins, and aunt. We are a small family. We are not allowed to know where they live. He admits that his wife is mean to me in hopes I never will visit again. He has allowed this behavior from her which I do not understand.
My mom, sister, daughter and I went out for two days and only got to see the children the first day at dinner. The second day my son came out by himself. When my daughter went to hug his wife, his wife kept her arms to her side. I have sent birthday gifts and his wife has given them as if they were from my son and her.
Any advice would be appreciated. I have recently just told my son to leave us all alone until he can respect us all. He wanted to come visit by himself for a few hours. His family has been to town and had not even called for us to visit with the children.
His grandfather that has money gets framed pictures of the children, my mom gets nothing. My sister’s son and my son were very close. Grew up like brothers. He no longer has anything to do with him. My son is very successful. He is a Dr of Pharmacy and a Director at a large company. He also runs a lab and is a professor that taught compounding medicine for human and zoo animals. He is very smart but no common sense.
His last girlfriend and him were just fine with us all. They were together for 3 years. He met this woman in NY, she was a chef. She received her education in France. Our family had a flower shop that I managed and then owned for 25 years. We lived 1 block from the shop. My sister, my only sibling and her family lived in FL. My parents took my children at least 4-5 times a year. Then our sons would meet in New Orleans, when they were old enough to drive. I have tried everything and am tired of crying. Thank you in advance for any advice you can offer.
I can only imagine how painful it is for you to be separated from your son and your grandchildren in this way. But you are correct: Your daughter-in-law is not solely at fault. Your son is allowing this situation to exist. Although it is certainly appropriate for him to put his own family first in many ways, there is no reason for him to do so at the expense of your relationship with him and his children — and his wife.
His wife is apparently asking him to choose between her and his family of origin. This is generally a disastrous demand. No one should have to choose between the people he loves and the people who love him. Such a separation often eventually erodes the marriage.
You have ended up putting him in the same bind his wife did. Telling him to leave you alone until he can behave differently only deprives you of seeing him.
I suggest that you bide your time. Love him as best you can. Let him know how much you miss seeing him and his family. Repeat that you are prepared to love his wife as well — and mean it. As Michelle Obama said in her convention speech, “When someone goes low, go high.” You will feel better about yourself and you leave an opening for your son to reconnect at some point.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
