Q. I had been seeing the same Therapist for 3 years when in this last year things began spiraling out of control for me. I had told my Therapist that I felt I was being pulled toward a certain point. Within this last year I began cutting myself because of the pain and anger I felt and also began having suicidal thoughts. There were times that I would drink heavily in one day/night and that eventually landed me being arrested for public drunkeness. Another drinking binge (one night only) I became very down and let my past overwhelm me and I made the mistake of leaving two voice mails on my Therapists business phone, sent a couple of e-mail messages – all belaying the point that I felt I did not deserve to live because of my past. I also called my Therapist’s home, but hung up because I knew it was wrong – but I should never have called her personal residence to begin with ( I acknowledge that was terribly wrong on my part ). Because of all of this my Therapist attempted to call me, and eventually contacted my husband who was not at home this particular evening. My Therapist told me that had she not been able to contact my husband, she would have called the police because of my suicidal talk. This all happened on a Sunday and I was already scheduled for a session with my Therapist on the following Thursday. When I went to my appointment, I was very embarrassed, scared and upset. We did not talk about what had happened on that Sunday night other than the fact I was wrong in what I did about contacting her in the state of inebriation. My Therapist told me that it seemed I was obsessed with contacting her when I went into my dark place and that maybe I needed to step back from therapy for a while. She then went on to say she didn’t feel her therapeutic methods were helping me. She also stated that she was going to think of some other options for me and we would discuss them. I left thinking we would have another session to discuss these things. However 3 weeks later I received a letter from my Therapist stating because I had stated that I didn’t feel her methods of therapy were helping me and because of canceled appointments (I never had a cancelled appointment – there were 2 times that I talked to her about cancelling, but then we both agreed that I should come to the sessions) she no longer could see me.
I feel as if my Therapist turned her back on me when I came to a critical point in my therapy – in which I managed to better understand my past and have some closure on it – and washed her hands of me. Even though I have talked to her once by phone since I received the letter, she will not see me for one last session to help me understand why she released me and help me have closure. Not being able to cope with someone who stops associating with me and not having closure for the relationship was the main reason I sought therapy to begin with and my Therapist knew that – this makes it even more difficult for me to understand her release.
Can someone help me understand this? Is there any advice to maybe help me convince my Therapist to see me for one last session. Ever since that night I contacted her and related what in my past upset me so much and caused me to feel not worthy of living – I have felt as if I was rid of a heavy load, I have not worried so much on my past or even thought of it daily like once before. I would really like the opportunity to tell my Therapist these things.
I appreciate the time anyone takes for my question.
The behavior of your therapist may be unethical but without having heard her version of events, I cannot know for certain. What is important for you at this time is to recognize what your therapist has already told you; the relationship is over. This is something you have to fully realize. You can try to explain your feelings in a letter or an e-mail but after that, you have to recognize that it is over.
Furthermore, it is unhealthy for you to want to continue the relationship when it has clearly ended. You should not want to work with someone who feels that she cannot help you.
Instead of trying to convince her to have one more session with you, your energy is better spent on finding a new therapist who feels that they can help you. As difficult as it may be, you need to move on. Your goal in therapy is to increase your psychological health. Gaining one last session with her does not move you any closer to that goal. Finding another therapist will. Thanks for writing.