i have been involved with someone for exactly 2 years. i really fell for him despite the fact that he was entangled with his ex, who was actively stalking the both of us, (she read emails, followed us in her car, called my house, etc.) i put up with him being emotionally unavailable to me and verbally and emotionally abusing me all the time. he is a heavy drinker and has been charged with dui’s. i have tried many times to get out of the relationship, but always go back to him. i feel ashamed, cheated and horrible. i have anxiety attacks when he pushes me away, (after propositioning me and wanting to spend time with me) and i have been impulsive in my phone calls and texts to him in the past. i recently discovered that i am a love addict and what it means to be involved with an abusive person when you yourself are an addict. he used to tell me that his ex was “crazy” all the while he was calling her and stringing her along. then he started calling me “crazy” while calling and stringing me along. i’ve recently let go of him, but because of some things that happened he is harrassing me in a rage and wont go away. i have been so tormented by this person and i have instigated it by not fully walking away a long time ago when i should have. i am considering filing a restraining order against him because he’s has texted me incessantly in the last few days, calling me horrible names and belitting everything in my life that is dear to me, but dont want to further his rage or have him file one on me (i have repsonded to many of the texts because i am an addict and can’t not read his abuse). what can i do to shake this person off me? i know he doesn’t love me i know it’s bad, we hate eachother and have vowed to never be friends again, but now if feel so tired, sick, obsessed, full of anxiety and remorse over the last two years. i am in my late thirties and feel i have wasted time. despite all this stuff, i have always found good parts of him to keep me in this pattern.i need help to keep him away forever and protect myself from anything he might try to do. please help me, what can i do to resolve this, find peace with him, be left alone and not get entangled in anymore trouble? i really want to move on and heal from it all.
A; You already know that you are in a dangerous situation. You need more help than I can offer in a letter. Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). You can find them at www.ndvh.org. Compassionate, experienced counselors are there to help you 24/7. Calling doesn’t obligate you in any way. They will offer you information and the support you so desperately need.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
