From India: hello sir/mam, I am an engineering student, it all started from diploma final year, now I have completed my diploma. I was a very funny and enjoying person, I studied very well and scored good marks. When I was in the last year of diploma, that is in 6th sem, I failed in a subject due to overconfidence, and then after everything changed, my one year was wasted and I couldn’t join engineering, in this one year I kept on thinking of my year back, I was depressed all the time, feeling lonely.
After this one year, when I came to engineering, I thought everything will change again, but because of strict college rules that I had never faced at all, I started fearing to go to college itself, I couldn’t even find any friends to support me.
I am very depressed all the time. I cry a lot day and night. I get some type of fear when I go to college. My studies pressure is killing me day by day. The anxiety is going on increasing.
I can’t tell this problem to my parents. When I said that am not able to concentrate, they said to try, but I am not able to try, I am confused the whole day, some kind of confusion keeps on going in my mind which I am not able to tolerate. When I am in a silent place where there are no sounds and just cool air, I feel calm, but when I get into public — say just in my home, just a small family talk — I can’t handle the pressure which I don’t know how to explain.
plz help me, I am done with this life. I am hating it now. I was a very good student, I got good grades in my school and even in college, now I am dying thinking what has happened to me. I am confused, I am not able to concentrate in study. I am sad the whole day from the time I wake up till I sleep. I cry a lot day and night, depressed, bottled up myself with anxiety. I am not abel to handle this plz help me. plz plz plz help me.
The pressure you are under to excel must be terrible indeed for you to be so anxious. Whether that pressure comes from yourself or your family, it is not at all helpful. It is immobilizing you. It’s no wonder that you want to isolate yourself. I’m very glad you wrote to us.
Your crisis of confidence is not at all unusual when a student who is accustomed to being the best and the brightest has a set back like the one you described. As a college professor, I’ve seen it often among students who were at the top of their class in secondary school. When they come to university they have to compete with other people who were also at the top of their classes. If the student’s self-esteem is tied too firmly to being the best, he or she is in trouble. Not everyone can be the best of the best.
One common but not at all helpful strategy for dealing with the problem is avoidance. The student preserves idea that he is the “best,” but develops depression and anxiety so he doesn’t have to prove it. Claims of “trying” are a substitute for doing.
You — and students like you — need to come to terms with the fact that you won’t always be the best. Sure, you’ll excel at some things. But if you associate with other bright people, chances are they will sometimes do better than you do. If you try new things, chances are that you will fail now and then.
It may comfort you to know that many famous people have experienced failure and have gleaned wisdom from it. Albert Einstein once said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” And educator John Dewey said, “Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.”
You’ve tried to manage this crisis on your own without success. I suggest you make an appointment with a counselor. Good counseling can provide you with the support you need while reconsidering your sense of yourself and re-establishing your self-esteem.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
