From a 19-year-old woman in the U.S.: I am experiencing a number of problems, I have never seen a psychologist, and I would like to receive some input as to the nature of my state:
I have had voices inside of my head for quite a time now. Note: These are not external voices. They are simply internal voices that feel separate from my own thoughts. This is what confuses me, what is the difference between internal and external voices? I do not feel that I have control over them, and in fact, often they take control over me. There are three thus far:-The Body Guard: The body guard wears all black clothing and essentially knows what I can and cannot do. He orders me around, telling me that my razor is cursed and that I cannot pick it up until the morning, or that I must touch a particular part of the sidewalk multiple times with my foot or I will die. However, he also tells me to do more serious things: the other day he wanted me to take a plate into school and smash it on the floor. I brought the plate into school, but I never smashed it…mostly because my other voice came in saying that it was okay. He appears to be preparing me to kill someone (I have some homicidal desires).
-Jesus: Jesus monitors the behavior of the body guard (and looks like Jesus) because sometimes the body guard lies and tells me to take the action that will kill me. Jesus intervenes, although sometimes the body guard pretends to be Jesus and ties Jesus up. Jesus often tries to assure me that I’m safe.
-The Crazy One: Crazy only comes out from time to time and just makes weird noises. He looks like a creepy clown.
I also have been experiencing quite a bit of paranoia lately. Most of it has to do with food and poison (however I did think my friend was going to kill me a couple weeks back).I have panic attacks after I eat food that I believe someone has poisoned, or that I think I have developed a sudden allergy to. Additionally, I thought I was dying of anthrax poisoning the other day because there was white powder at the bottom of my grocery bag.
Additional information:
-intense mood swings (VERY angry, restless, depressed, “normal”, anxious, euphoria) but no pattern
-oversleeping
You asked if you should see a psychologist. The answer is “yes”. The symptoms you are describing are serious. There are a number of possible diagnoses so it would be irresponsible of me to suggest one on the basis of a short letter. Please get an evaluation from someone who can listen to your whole story and who can ask for details.
The good news is that most people with this profile do get better with a combination of some medication and some talk therapy.
Please don’t delay going to a counselor. You deserve to get back in control of your thoughts and actions.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
