We have been married to most of our adult life. He is controlling and very violent. I’ve left him more than 45 times but I return because he always gets sick, once he had a stroke and fell down the stairs and broke his hips. He is in pain all the time and there isn’t any meds that will help the pain. Since he has brain cancer, diabetes and broken hips he is never in a good mood, therefore everything I do is wrong. He is a pefectionist. I’m depressed all the time and I can’t walk without stumbling because I’ve been hit on my head so many times, I have dents in my head. I can not find a way to ensure that he has food to eat and someone can take care of him. He won’t go to a nursing home and he wants to die at home. He has to eat or he will vomit. No one has keys to his house but me and when he can’t talk, the blood doesn’t get to his brain, no one can understand him but me. I’ve thought of everything I could not I don’t see any way out. I work and he doesn’t but he’s very intelligient, smarter than me. He could fix anything and knows almost everything. I know I could live up to his standards. He complains that I don’t cook, take care of him or talk to him to get his mind off his pain and him dying. All I want to do is to sleep to escape being with him. Work and sleep are my escapes unless I leave him then he calls me all day at work and threatens to have me arrested for theft of his cell phone. I’m desperate, I have talked to dv counselors and I still can’t find a way out.
What you are describing is domestic violence. Please don’t give up on the counselors in your area. Here’s a quote from the website for the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence: “CADV operates the statewide 24-hour toll-free hotline for victims of domestic violence in partnership with Alternatives Inc. of Madison County. Individuals calling the crisis line receive emotional and practical support that includes, but is not limited to the following: crisis counseling, criminal justice information, personal advocacy, information and referral services, and violent crime compensation assistance.” The CADV Hotline is 1-800-332-7385.
You need to be in touch with these people to get needed moral support and to help you understand how to get out of your situation. I realize you’re trying to do the right thing and not abandon someone who is sick and in pain. But being sick does not excuse your husband’s treatment of you. Nor does it require you to be his nurse when his response is to hurt you some more. You are beaten down but not out. You may be depressed but you managed to write to us here at LifeHelper. Now make some calls to CADV and get the help you deserve.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
