From a teen in Italy: i guess i have to began from the beginning,when i guess is started everything..so i was always been an introvert kid,loving nature and especially dogs. So in school they began to make fun of me because i was a bit chubby,then last year ive been recovered from anorexia,and because i love dogs(since i was a kid i always had this special bond with dogs and actually during anorexia my two dogs saved my life) anyway they torturing me and keep telling me that i was ugly,and that my life price was 0,2 cent(really low…means that the trash was more important than my life) so i start cutting,but never had suicide attempt.
In my 16 and 17 years i was really happy with myself and very confident,then anorexia beat me up,and now,as a 18 years old girl,ive been struggling with social anxiety disorder. Actually since im 18 my life began,you know began to work,travel,licence driving ecc…it was suppose to be all exciting but i dont know why i keep feel empty inside like no one love me for who i really am,and as much i love to go out for walks i cant because my mind is keep always bothering me with “what if” thoughts…and im sure as hell that everyone is against me and laughing at me and calling me ugly behind my back.its really awful.
i cant keep going on in this way,for example when i have to go to driving school(like tomorrow) in the morning i always feel very sick,so many times i throwing up because i’m very scared and nervous about the fact that “what if they make fun of me???what if i do something wrong?? what if they laugh at me??” even when im out with my friends im always looking around to see if someone is laughing at me,my friends tell me that even if they laugh at me i should go on my way and dont think about it,but for me its useless,i mean if someone is making fun of me it feels like the end of the world to me,literally,i think about it for weeks,and its really awful.im 18 and i want my life bak.what should i do???i’m de sperate,really i am.
What you didn’t mention in the letter is whether you have a counselor. If not, you have been heroic long enough. You’ve been battling the effects of bullying, anxiety and an eating disorder on your own. That’s amazing! But at some point, most people who have had the experiences that you have had need a little help. There is no shame in that. Why should you be fighting the impulses to cut and the social anxiety all by yourself, when there are professionals who have made it their life work to help people deal with these issues?
If you haven’t yet seen a counselor, do make an appointment right away. If you have been seeing a counselor, I hope you are seeing him or her regularly and that you are sharing the same information you did here. The road back from an eating disorder is a difficult one but it is not impossible. With support, you can also learn the coping skills and social skills you need to be more comfortable around other people.
Please. Take care of yourself and get the help you need. The bullying that happened when you were young does not have to set a negative direction for your entire life.
I wish you well.
Dr. Marie
