I’m not sure what to do. I’m severely suicidal and have attempted to kill myself 7 months ago and can’t stop thinking about doing it again. I did see a therapist before but didn’t find she helped me at all. She told me my problems weren’t that bad and when I told her I wanted to kill myself and that no one would care she said, why don’t you try it and find out. She also said she didn’t want to see me anymore until I had a job, so that’s why I stopped going to her. I’ve been unemployed for over 3 years now and the job I did have was the first job I ever had, and they fired because of my depression. I’ve been trying the last few months to get another job and I did have an interview and almost had the job, but they hired someone else. I am finding it very hard to deal with being suicidal, unemployed, depressed and I also have social anxiety. Another thing is when I was between the ages of about 3 or 4 until I was 12, a relative who was 2 years older than me used to do sexual things to me and I’ve always had a hard time dealing with that. I’ve never really talked about it before, it did come up once in therapy but my therapist said that it was normal for kids to do that. I won’t go into details of what he did, but I know it was not normal behaviour. I want to start therapy again with a different therapist, but it scares me because I feel and always felt like my problems aren’t bad enough to warrant going to therapy. I just don’t know what to do besides trying to kill myself again.
It is completely unacceptable and unethical to tell a client who is considering suicide to “try it and find out.” I do not know of an instance of that ever happening with any therapist that I personally know or know of.
It is wise to consider seeing a new therapist. The fact that you have suicidal thoughts is concerning and a sign that help is needed. Suicide is never the answer. There are many competent therapists who could help you.
Depression, in the past, was more difficult to treat. Today it is treated with great success. You are going through a difficult period in your life. It is quite common for each of us to have these difficult, troublesome periods. While we are having these painful times in our lives, it is common to assume that they will never end. Please remember that they do end. I have written here before about survivors of suicide attempts. The overwhelming, vast majority are very happy that their attempt failed. They realized the value of life and found the happiness that had been denied them.
I often advise those searching for psychological help to call at least four or five therapists. You want to essentially interview therapists over the phone to find out how they would help you. Discuss your problems and ask specific questions about how they would help. Make an appointment with those with whom you feel the most comfortable. It might take some time to find a good therapist but it is worth your effort. Please take care.
