Tag:

Attachment Issues

I Have Had an Imaginary Friend my Entire Life

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW September 22nd, 2022

To preface this, I have eidetic memory and therefore can remember large chunks of my early childhood. I grew up in a fairly normal middle-class home, with two parents, a roof over my head and a great education. However, ever since I was young, my parents have been so busy working and taking care of my two younger sisters who have autism and bipolar disorder, that I have been emotionally and psychologically neglected. To this day, I crave attention and have abandonment and attachment issues.

This is going to sound strange, so please stay with me. My parents have always been huge Queen fans, and I grew up surrounded by their music and pictures of the band members. When I was 5 months old, I saw for the first time, Freddie Mercury smiling at me over my crib. He has been my constant companion and best friend all my life. No one else can see him, and I know he isn’t real. Freddie Mercury died in 1991, and I was born years later. My imaginary friend Freddie has never said any negative things to me and has never tempted me towards negative or suicidal behavior. He has been nothing but a great friend and confidante. I have lots of other social relationships and am doing well academically. Having had this “imaginary friend” for 17 and 1/2 years now, he’s never caused me any problems. I’m not paranoid, I don’t hear disturbing voices, and I don’t believe I’m the anti-Christ or anything. But I do see Freddie, clear as day, flesh and blood, around me all the time. He’s the only hallucination I’ve ever experienced.

I would like to know if I have schizophrenia, and if I should be worried. I have honestly felt no negative repercussions from the relationship at all. I have lots of friends, and am on good terms with my family. I have never used drugs or alcohol and have only suffered a brief period of depression in middle school.

Tell me, should I be worried?

Freddy Mercury is either visiting you in spirit or not. Thus, your image or vision is either real or a hallucination/delusion. There are people who claim to see spirits but it’s never been proven scientifically as to whether this phenomenon is real. If your vision is not real, then it would mean that you’re experiencing a hallucination or delusion. Hallucinations and delusions are associated with specific mental health disorders.

Children often have imaginary friends because they have great imaginations. Parents tend not to worry because eventually the imaginary friends go away. It is rare, though not unheard of, for an adult to have an imaginary friend. You did not detail your conversations with Freddie Mercury. Without similar information, it would be difficult to determine what may be happening.

It would be advantageous to be evaluated by a mental health professional to determine if what you are experiencing is a symptom of a mental health disorder. You perceive this “imaginary friend” as being healthy but if it is not real, then it’s unhealthy.

When speaking and interacting with a mental health professional, he or she might identify other symptoms that the untrained individual might not perceive as being symptoms. There may be symptoms that you don’t perceive as being problematic but ones that a mental health professional would identify as such.

I hope you will consider my suggestion regarding an evaluation by a mental health professional. If your mental health is being compromised by a psychological disorder, then treatment is imperative. Even though you perceive this phenomenon to be healthy, if it is not real, then it can be psychologically damaging. Hallucinations and delusions, if left untreated, can become worse over time and can significantly degrade your life. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

September 22, 2022 0 comment

Boarding School Issues

by Holly Counts, Psy.D. July 8th, 2021

written by Holly Counts, Psy.D.

I chose to leave home and study abroad at boarding school when I was eight. I have been living away from family for the past 16 years. I regret this decision and blamed myself. Over the past 16 years, I have not been very happy and my personality changed but have only realized this over the past few years. Before I went to study abroad, I was happy but ever since, I am not. The older I got, the more secrets I have and the more I keep my true self to myself. My parents and teachers have always reminded that I have to be good. Ever since the first day at boarding school, I have learned to only act good and follow the rules and never to step out of lines. People/ teachers like good and trouble-free student.

I only got to go home and see parents three times a year, and the rest of the time, I lived at school or with my guardians. Over time, I have hidden my true self and no longer know how to act freely and have fun. I always feel insecure and doubting myself. I also get angry very easily, very emotional. I am very jealous of people who got to grow up at home and wish that I had the chance but cannot turn back time.

I find that I feel very isolated and lonely and don’t know how to be around other people. Whenever, I am in a group I feel even more isolated as I always seem to be forgotten by other people, almost invisible. Although, over the time I was away from home, there have been many people who have been very nice to me. For eg, My guardians, they treated me like their own but I cannot open myself to them, I still feel I do not belong.

I have recently moved back home but still cannot remove these guilty, unhappy, lonely feelings. I sometimes will start crying because I am so unhappy (sometimes with work/ colleagues) and got no one to talk to. I don’t have many friends and struggles to speak of my mind/ feelings. I recently read an article online regarding boarding school syndrome, saying that young children that leave home at an early age can have an effect on them as they have grown up without parents/ love. Do I need help? (age 26, from Hong Kong)

I’m sorry that you have been struggling with these issues for so long. It is true that being raised apart from our parents during crucial developmental years can have a negative impact on our personality. However, from what I can gather, Boarding School Syndrome looks at a broader range of issues. It not only addresses being outside of your parents home but also the possibility of being sent away against your will, having harsh or abusive teachers or guardians, being exposed to abuse by peers because of the 24/7 nature of the schools, and so forth.

Even though you said that you “chose to go,” I don’t feel that a decision like that should be up to an 8-year-old child. You also stated that your guardians were very nice to you and treated you like their own child. These factors are in your favor, and I am hopeful that you can still learn any skills that you may have missed by growing up in a boarding school. You did not mention any type of abuse either, so again, this is in your favor.

If you focus your energy on reconnecting to your family now that you are reunited, making friends and broadening your social support system, chances are that you will start feeling better about yourself and your life. I think it would be a great idea to find a therapist to help you fill in the gaps you may be missing. Especially one who has expertise with early childhood attachment issues.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

July 8, 2021 0 comment

I’m Having Trouble Moving On and Letting Go of an Enjoyable Experience

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW March 13th, 2021

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I went to shadow people at their workplace, and I had a really good time. I really enjoyed who they were, and I enjoyed the whole experience of following them around and observing, but it was only for a week.

I got to know the people working there, and I loved touring the worksite and seeing and learning. I developed friendships with them, and started to love the way they work and operate, and I just love who they are.

Now I have to go back to normal life, and I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
I’m never going to see those people again, I’m never going to experience what I experienced again, and I can’t deal with it because I want to go back.

This has happened before on different occasions – where I get attached to a situation or experience and I can’t move on from it and let it go.

It was a completely great and amazing experience, but I can never experience it again or go back. For some reason, I can’t let it go and move on back to normal life.

I was crying, and when I think about it, it makes me feel bad and really sad. I can’t let it go. The thoughts and reminders of the place won’t leave me alone, and it just makes me sadder and unmotivated.

I feel like I experienced a major loss. I can’t move on and let go of this enjoyable experience, and It feels overwhelming and awful.

It is always important to see reality clearly. In this situation, you were granted the opportunity to shadow people in the workplace. It was a pleasant and fulfilling experience, but it was short-lived. The ending of this experience should not have prompted such a strong emotional response.

Your strong emotional response doesn’t match the reality of the situation. You only spent a week with these individuals. You barely knew them. They barely knew you. You and them were virtual strangers.

You seem to be misjudging the situation. Maybe you believe that your connection with these individuals was deeper than it really was. It simply can’t be that strong of a bond since you only knew these individuals for one week. One week is hardly enough time to establish a deep bond with anyone.

The proper response to this situation is to appreciate the time you had job shadowing. There should be nothing negative about this experience. It was all positive. You had a good time, you met new people and you learned a lot. Accept the situation for what it is (a great learning opportunity) and try not to turn it into something that it isn’t (a major life loss). It was a great learning experience. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you continue to struggle with attachment challenges, counseling could help you immensely. Therapy allows for the in-depth examination of how you respond to life events. A therapist can determine if your emotional reactions are appropriate and teach you how to adapt your responses accordingly. Regulating your emotions is an important life skill. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

March 13, 2021 0 comment