Tag:

autism spectrum disorder

I Don’t Seem to Care for Other People

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW June 1st, 2022

Hello from Denmark, I am an 18 year old first year college student. I attend a special college for people on the autism spectrum. My diagnosis is high functioning autism/Asperger.

First a little backstory. Prior to attending college i attended a different special needs school for a couple of years, but i completely isolated myself as i hated the people there. The place was so bad that it made me physically ill. I began getting regular headaches, generally just feeling really terrible, and would stay home from school 4/5 days a week for about 4 months. I was basically stuck in bed for close to 4 months. At some point during those months i began to stop caring about anything, and did have very brief suicide thoughts on multiple occasions (that i quickly dismissed though). I am pretty sure i was falling into depression. I luckily moved to a better school, which seemed to pull me out of the almost depressed state i was in, but i continued to isolate myself as my classmates enjoyed minding their own business 100% of the time. I was at that school for about a year.

Now, classes in my college began Tuesday last week and the first week was mainly used to build and strengthen the friendship in the class.

My problem is, after this week, I still don’t care about any of them. At all. As soon as i leave the school premises, they leave my mind. Completely.

I’m mainly stuck in my room as soon as i get home, and i never go out. I have no close friends left. Never been in a relationship. I talk to myself a lot. I simply do not care about other humans or making any relations. I also have a harder time with empathy than normal human beings, but that’s normal for autistic people i think.

It’s probably irrelevant, but My self esteem is also rotten, i think of myself as lower than every other human being i have ever been in contact with in terms of looks, talent, skill and worth, and i usually downplay all of my so called “achievements” in life.

There is no way not caring about other people (or myself) like this is normal. Whats wrong with me?

You recently began attending a new school and have not made friends in the first week. That is not unusual. No one, autistic or otherwise, can make real connections in a week. Relationships need time to develop. It could take years to sincerely know someone at a deep level. The fact that your peers “leave your mind” as soon as you leave the premises, is fairly normal. You hardly know them.

You mentioned having gone to specialized schools in the past. If your college is also a specialized school, then other people with autism likely attend. As you noted, people with autism have trouble developing relationships. It might not be that you are the problem. It could be that you are reaching out to people, but they are not reciprocating. Relationships are two-sided. If they are not interested in forming relationships, then it is going to be difficult to connect with them. It could be them and not you. A therapist could objectively assess your situation and assist you in developing more positive connections with people.

The other issue of concern is your potential depression and your low self-esteem. It will be difficult to develop healthy relationships when you think so little of yourself. If you don’t value yourself, then others might follow your lead. This should be corrected. Developing a healthy level of self-esteem is another issue a therapist could help to correct.

Researchers have developed new psychosocial treatments for individuals with autism, who are struggling with relationships. One of the most recent, promising developments is cognitive enhancement therapy (CET). You might try researching it on the internet. If you choose to begin counseling, choose a therapist who specializes in working with people with autism. Counseling could help you better navigate social relationships and raise your self-esteem. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

June 1, 2022 0 comment

Will a Psychiatrist Help with My Autistic Personality?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker August 12th, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: I’ve been diagnosed with GAD. My past includes one episode of Major Depression. I have had anxiety as far back as my memory serves, into early childhood. I’ve also been court ordered , around twenty five years previously , to attend anger management counseling.

There were no labels when I was a kid concerning Asperger or ASD . We were all thrown in to the mix , sink or swim. I had trouble with speech at a minor level and had corrective therapy. Discipline was always an issue. I did have friends but very few . Dating was more like engagement and codependency .

I enjoyed being alone, but the older I’ve become the more I feel I have to be isolated. I have no friends. All my contacts outside of work are family. I don’t like engaging anyone I don’t know for more than a few words. I like my routine and I don’t care for it being changed.

Changes tend to excite my anxiety, sometimes greatly. My wife handles the business ends of our marriage because I can get confused easily with certain things, typically when paperwork is involved. I do not deal well with stressors at all. This has amplified as I’ve gotten older, especially with my job.

Anger was and still is, infrequently now, an issue that sometimes comes from unidentifiable origins and many times without warning. I sometimes spend an entire day angry without knowing why. I’ve taken every test I can online for Aspergers/ASD and I scored positive for every one. I’ve taken some of them numerous times and my scores always are within a few points. My Empathy Quotient is a six .

Is there a good reason to go to a Psychiatric specialist to address this probable ASD label ? I have a job, function somewhat reasonably well, am married and already take Wellbutrin and have Xanax as a backup at work. I’m not sure the medications help enough with the panic feelings I get and I’m afraid to indulge in the Xanax unless I really feel overwhelmed or recognize my anger coming to the surface and can’t remove myself form the situation .

I’m not expecting a cure for the anxiety. In fact, after taking these test and knowing my personality, I’ve felt some relief that I may have Autism. It helps explain a great deal about how my life has been and still is today.

A: You seem to be functioning very well. You are married, have a job and can interact with family and coworkers. None the less, you wrote to us because you understand that your need for routine and your tendency to isolate from others may be excessive. I therefore do think it would be helpful for you to see a psychologist or social worker who specializes in adults on the spectrum. Many people who are diagnosed late in life as being on the autism spectrum experience great relief, for the same reasons you mentioned. It often explains much. A good evaluation can also lead to good suggestions for next steps for becoming more in charge of your feelings and more able to handle things you currently find difficult to manage.

ASD cannot be medicated away. But medication might be helpful for lessening your anxiety. Psychotherapy can help you learn more ways to manage in a world that is sometimes confusing or anxiety provoking for you. For example, the anger you describe may be at least partly because it is hard for you to deal with frustration or change. Therapy may give you more tools for coping with situations where things are unpredictable or when things don’t go as you expected.

You didn’t mention who is prescribing your medications. If the doctor is your PCP, I do think you should see a psychiatrist who has experience with ASD. Your medication probably needs to be re-evaluated in light of the ASD diagnosis.

I also encourage you to look for books on adults with Asperger’s or Autism, especially books that talk about managing a later in life diagnosis. I regularly recommend the books written by John Elder Robison to my patients. I think you would find such books encouraging and helpful.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

August 12, 2021 0 comment

Is this Person Friend or Foe?

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker July 8th, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

From the U.S.: Hello! I’m going to give some background information in order to give insight to my current situation. When I was 4 or 5, I was diagnosed with “borderline” autism (autistic traits) because I had communication, behavioral, and sensory problems that were autistic/Asperger’s in flavor, but did not reach the bar for a diagnosis. Through speech and occupational therapy, I was successful in overcoming these symptoms, and have had a successful and uneventful life, having graduated both high school and college and forming many friendships along the way.

However, when I started struggling in school, I asked an old friend of mine for advice in how to get through the rough patch that I was enduring at the time. She was overall helpful, but she said that I needed to tell people that I was autistic for my future college classes and jobs. Now my family and friends are forcing me to follow this “friend’s” advice every time I have problems.

Since I talked to this friend a few months ago, I have become depressed and angry about life in general because I was not truly diagnosed as autistic to begin with, I feel as if my loved ones are blaming my problems on a disorder I do not actually have in its entirety, and these autistic symptoms have been reduced as I have grown up. Furthermore, my early childhood is a very upsetting period of my life that I wish to leave in the past.

Since then, I have constantly worried about being “different” or “disordered” in some way, and am preparing to see a therapist for depression and self-esteem issues. The problem is, the friend that I originally called up for help is a very good friend of mine, having fallen out of contact between my early childhood and my high school years, but having been a mentor through my college years, so we frequently keep in touch. Should I still keep in touch with this friend? Or shall I consider her a foe? What can I do to re-direct my focus off my current way of thinking? Please help

You are a success story. Do you know that? Early intervention like you were fortunate to receive as a small child often helps children overcome autistic-like traits. That’s great.

I suspect your loved ones are referring to that early assessment because they don’t know how to help when you hit a rough patch and they take some comfort in having an “explanation” for your problems. The problem, then, isn’t your old diagnosis, but rather that the people who love you are upset that they don’t know how to help you.

The way out of this is to acknowledge their caring and to remind them that their love and support is all you need. You can also reassure them by following through on your intention to see a therapist. I’m sure that you are smart enough and insightful enough to make use of what the therapist has to offer.

As for your friend: I don’t think she is a “foe”. My guess is that she was trying to be helpful but made a mistake based on very out-dated information in your case. (If you were truly autistic, her advice would make sense.) Mistakes are human. We all make them now and then. She has generally been very helpful to you as only a good friend can be. Good friends are hard to find. Hold onto her. Have a heart to heart conversation with her about how her suggestion hasn’t been helpful and bring her up to date on your progress and successes.

As for being “different”: The fact is that we are all different in one way or another. Often it is those differences that make us interesting and even exciting to others. You lost sight of that somewhere along the line and your self-esteem has suffered. Do talk to the therapist about this. You can recover from that diminished self-esteem just as you recovered from autistic-like traits.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

July 8, 2021 0 comment

My Older Brother Has No Friends & I Am Extremely Worried, How Can I Help Him?

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW February 23rd, 2021

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My brother (19) has always loved video games and spent most of high school playing online with his friends. However, I believe that this has seriously stunted his social growth. He went to a different high school than all of his middle school friends and remained friends with them but wasn’t able to make any new friends at his high school. His high school was a catholic all boys school with extreme athletic pressure and was known for being mostly “alpha males.” My brother did not fit in at all and I think that this isolated him from social interaction throughout high school. I assumed that in college he would be able to make friends because there would be a wider variety of social groups, but it is now his sophomore year and he has made absolutely no friends. He is very uncomfortable in social situations and avoids eye contact with people, but when he is around people he is comfortable with he’s completely normal. He mentioned to our mom that he wanted to go out one night but he didn’t have anyone to go with. I have had him hang out with me and my friends before but he is extremely awkward and finds it hard to talk to them. It is almost as if he hasn’t developed any personality due to missing out on social interaction in high school and I am extremely worried (as are my parents) about him because I can’t really help him be more confident and put himself out there. I think that he is struggling with confidence issues as well as SEVERE social anxiety but there is no way for me to help him. He is an engineering major so he has little time to socialize and this has not helped him meet new people at all. How can I help him? How can someone regain confidence and build a personality after such a traumatizing high school experience?

You mentioned that his high school experience was “traumatizing.” That may be how you see it, but that may not be how he sees it. It would be interesting to know if he considered it traumatizing. Many people have similar experiences with peer pressure in high school and don’t perceive it as traumatizing. Maybe it wasn’t as traumatizing as you perceive it to be.

Also, you are assuming that his personality growth was stunted because of his limited social interactions in high school but the reverse may be true. His limited social skills may be the reason why he interacted so little with others. Deficits in social communication can prevent people from connecting with others.

One possibility to consider is that he may have autism spectrum disorder (ASD). ASD is a developmental disorder that primarily affects communication and behavior. There are two core elements of ASD. These include a deficit in social interaction and the presence of repetitive and restrictive interests and/or behaviors.

Your brother is showing a potential problem in the area of social interactions. His interest in video games may qualify as being a restrictive or repetitive interest and/or behavior.

One other element of ASD is that problems with communication and behavior interfere in an individual’s ability to function properly in life. According to your letter, the problems you have described with his communication and behavior do seem to be interfering with his ability to function in life. In fact, that is your major concern and reason for writing.

One other aspect of your brother’s behavior is his avoidance of eye contact. Individuals with ASD often have problems with visual attention. They often report having extreme difficulty looking others in the eyes. People with ASD say that it is a stressful experience. Some have said that “it burns.”

In our culture, it is considered disrespectful not to look someone in the eyes. If you’re speaking to someone who is continually looking away, people might be offended by it or even frightened by it. The reality is that sometimes individuals with ASD are overwhelmed and are not intending to be offensive or to show disrespect. Too few people in our culture understand this.

Obviously, I cannot diagnose your brother on the basis of a short letter. I’m simply pointing out the fact that he may be demonstrating some of the characteristics of ASD. You can read more about ASD. There are many great resources on the internet.

You might speak to your parents about the possibility of your brother undergoing a psychological evaluation. The evaluation could shed light on what might be wrong, if anything. If ASD is a possibility, then your brother should consult a professional who has experience with ASD.

Once he undergoes an evaluation, you will have a better understanding about what may be wrong. Hopefully he will be open to having an evaluation. That would be a great place to start. Good luck and please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

February 23, 2021 0 comment