Tag:

Belief That

Problem Passed Down through Generations

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker May 9th, 2023

I have been married for 23 years. My husband used to be more affectionate but it has waned over the years. It is however, not completely gone. He will hold me at night as he falls asleep, kiss me upon arriving home and we are still regularly physically intimate. Although I’ve had to guide him throughout the years, he is supportive and kind despite being a bit distant and unexcitable. I know that most women would be fairly happy with this situation but for some reason, I have moments where I feel he could be more affectionate and romantically focused. He is an excellent provider and we have a beautiful home, nice kids and a blessed life. What on earth is my problem then?

I sense that my needs are coming from low self-esteem…as if I’m not being “loved enough”. When I get like this I get so narrowly focused and it feels like I need that validation from him to make me whole somehow or none of the other things seem to matter. I really get angry that I can’t get what I feel I need. I truly don’t want to live like this any longer. It’s gone on long enough.

As a side note, my mother was plagued with this same issue all of my life and my dad was a decent guy like my husband. This desperate need to be “loved” was a nasty lifelong obsession for my mother and she demanded it from all of us although we did all truly love her and tried to please her. She’s in her 80’s now and angry, bitter, alone and has turned her back on her family and grandkids, claiming that we’ve all betrayed her. I am her oldest daughter and never felt deeply loved by her or able to live up to her unreasonable expectations. I don’t want to end up like her. Please, please help me break the cycle.

You are absolutely right: This is what is called an intergenerational transmission of a problem. Children do learn what they live. You grew up taking in your mother’s unhappiness with your dad as well as her belief that he wasn’t doing a good enough job loving her.

Your problem isn’t your husband. Your problem isn’t low self-esteem. Your problem is that you haven’t been able to free yourself from that early teaching. You are very right to be scared that you will end up lonely and alienated just as she was. I hope that gives you the motivation to do something about it.

You are fortunate, indeed, that you learned from your father as well as your mother. You looked for and found a decent guy who is steadfast, who loves you and who has made a good life with you.

The something you can do is some serious therapy. Therapy can help us correct early teaching. In your case, it can also help you truly appreciate all that you have.

Apparently your negative feelings have been building for years. That tells me that if you could fix this on your own, you would have done it already. I therefore encourage you to seek out a therapist and to do that corrective work. You are right that most women would be very happy with the marriage you are tempted to throw away. Since the problem lies within you, not within the man or the marriage, I doubt very much that you will find anything better.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

May 9, 2023 0 comment

Extreme Jealousy Could Indicate Delusional Disorder

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW June 28th, 2022

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

My boyfriend has periods when he gets insecure and jealous that he becomes very different and thinks there is a secret among the rest of the world that he isn’t included in regarding hooking up. He also sees words as code. He’ll look at my email spam and for instance if the word is Float, he thinks each letter stands for another word.

It all relates to dating, love and cheating. His wife cheated on him alot. He will be up for days talking to me and he’ll think that what I’m saying means something else and that I really am like everyone else and he just doesn’t know the right code to be “in” on the secret world. During these episodes, he can also rationalize that he’s probably being crazy and that he’s sorry. He’s calm and quiet during these times. He says he sees the codes in words/letters all the time, not just when he’s “trippin” as he calls it.

I’m worried about him and our family. He’s a happy person otherwise. This usually happens when we have an arguement and he leaves, he thinks I’m with someone else while he’s gone or that I purposefully started an arguement so I could be with someone else. He knows I’m completely faithful. I’ve even had him video call me while he’s gone and I cooperate fully…but he thinks whoever I’m with is in on it and hiding…etc. I am wondering where to even begin researching what this could be and how to help. I talk and talk to him and eventually he decides that maybe there isn’t a secret world…if I am telling him there isn’t.

It is possible that your boyfriend may be experiencing delusional disorder but only an in-person, psychiatric evaluation could confirm that diagnosis. Two possible signs of the disorder include his belief that words, as “codes”, have a hidden meaning and his paranoia with regard to you cheating. The fact that he had an ex-wife who cheated may make him hypersensitive to the possibility of cheating but his intense focus on your alleged infidelity is unusual.

Delusional disorder is a type of mental illness that involves psychosis. Psychosis is a break with reality. Psychosis involves the inability to distinguish what is real from what is not real. A delusion is the belief that something is real, despite evidence to the contrary.

Individuals with delusional disorders experience “non-bizarre delusions.” An example of a non-bizarre delusion is the belief that someone is being poisoned, followed, conspired against, or admired from a distance. There are six main types of delusions associated with delusional disorders. Jealous is one of them. Individuals experiencing a jealous type of delusion believe that their partner or spouse is cheating in the absence of evidence to support their belief.

If your partner is willing, he should undergo a psychiatric evaluation by a mental health professional. With regard to psychotic disorders, treatment is particularly important because generally, delusions do not go away on their own. They can become worse in frequency and in intensity. Medication could reduce or eliminate his delusions. It may not be easy to convince him to see a mental health professional but it would be in his best interest.

Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

June 28, 2022 0 comment

I am a sociopath.

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker December 26th, 2021

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

For quite some time now, I’ve had this overwhelming sense of emptiness as if something about myself was somehow off kilter. Everyday I go through the same self-scrutinizing process. Waking up, “what the hell’s wrong with me?” Showering, “why am I such an awful person?” Brushing my teeth, “Damn, my conscience is seriously a hot mess right now.” You get the idea. This vicious circle is pretty much part of my everyday routine. The scariest thing by far was my recent revelation of my sociopathic behavior. Yeah, I’ve tried to justify why I do the things I do, but it’s a waste of time. Deep down, I don’t believe my petty justifications anyhow. It’s pretty futile and silly to lie to your conscience, but I digress.

My reasoning behind my belief that I am a sociopath? For starters, I am a compulsive liar. I’ve asked myself time and time again “Why do I feel the need to lie to others?” I lie because I want to impress people. I want to feel accepted by people, I want them to see ‘cool’ construction of myself, or how intelligent, or how witty I am, or how clever I am with my command of language. I feel that if people knew who I really was or somehow saw past the facade of my constant lies (scary!), they would feel turned off by me or they would see me as boring. I always feel the need to make things up (situations, knowing someone of power, etc.) in order to relate to people. I find myself profiling people to see what they’re interested so I too can say that I’m into the things they’re into (even if I’m not, which is the case 65%.) During my years as a teenager, I was involved in sports and was really quite good (I may very well be a sociopath, but this is actually true.) I hated playing sports after a while because it became to emotionally and physically exhausting (my parents were pretty demanding to say the least.) I started cutting myself when my parents wouldn’t let me quit because 1.) it was a way to draw attention to myself and my severe unhappiness in sports. I thought if I could get them to believe that I was off my rocker, they would somehow have sympathy for me and let me do my own thing 2.)

Somehow self-harm was like a cathartic experience for me. It hurt like hell, but I felt I needed that pain, like I needed to teach myself a lesson because I was an ugly, disingenuous person inside and out. I’ve done research on other websites dedicated to problems like sociopathy. I exhibit a good amount of what constitutes a sociopath. I lie constantly. I have grandiose thoughts (I sometimes truly believe that I’m going to be the person to write the next great American novel…wishful thinking, I know). I feel as if I have to feign emotion in order to make myself think that I am an empathetic person. I’ll cry at animal shelter PSA’s or tell people how cute their babies are when really they look like naked mole rats. I have the act down to a science. I can express sadness, joy (the most exhausting to fake), anger (the easiest), etc. My concern though lies with the treatment of sociopathic behavior. How do you begin to ‘cure’ an acute and cunning liar? Then I’ve read that the best way to treat a sociopath is to steer clear of them altogether. Shoot, we are treated like lepers (with probable cause, mind you.) I want to change. It’s exhausting lying to people all of the time. I see that I’ve built a sense of trust in others, and then I realize it’s not me they trust, but an elaborate web of deception they believe to be true. I fool my friends, my family members, my colleagues, and I makes me sick to my stomach knowing that what they think I am is really non-existent, as if I am some invisible entity some empty shell of a human being, walking around like a ghost. I don’t know how to feel anymore. I know I love my family, and my pets (I would “choke my cat” or “kick a puppy” like some of the letters from sociopaths I’ve read proclaim.)

If I lost or disappointed my family, I don’t know what I’d do. That sentiment, in regards to disappointment, extends to the outside world as well. I don’t like to disappoint others. I want to be cunning, and clever, and funny, and intelligent all of the time. I never want to be seen in a vulnerable or pathetic light. If anyone thought I was a complete idiot, I could just die! At this point I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I want the lies to stop. I don’t want to feel like I constantly need to be accepted or loved by everyone. I sleep with men, even if I don’t like them that much and even if they don’t like me that much, just to feel wanted. Just to feel another human body on a quasi-intimate level. Recently, a guy I had been sleeping with, of whom I had irrational thoughts of starting a family with, of caring for, of being his intellectual equal, had moved on to another woman (one of my closest friends, nonetheless.) What made it worse is that the girl he now likes was my model of what ‘good’ truly is. She is the most genuine, honest, intelligent, radiantly noble, and fiercely loyal person I know, and the fact that I can never be like that (without lying, at least) eats away at my insides. I spent a year trying to get this guy to like me, to make him think I was cool, to make him believe that I was the woman that was going to change him, to take care of him. At first I felt sick to my stomach when I found out about them, then I realized I couldn’t cry because I felt silly crying because we weren’t exactly dating or anything and it seems quite silly for crying over a booty call. In fact, our only sense of a relationship was built on sex and brief, albeit, interesting conversations with one another. I have no idea why I am so attached to him. Maybe because he was the guy that took my virginity. He’s incredibly intelligent, creative, and witty, and I wanted to be those things too but to a greater extent. I wanted him to be in awe of how much we ‘had in common’, to know that I was going to give him a run for his money intellectually.

It’s not just mere attachment, either. I’d call it an obsession. A goal that I constantly strived to achieve, one lie after another. Feeling dejected after the whole situation, I finally started crying like a damn child and felt compelled to go and get the razor from the medicine cabinet. I did. I sliced my wrist up pretty good. Then I felt completely stupid after the fact, like some over-dramatic fat high school chick who didn’t get the part in the school play. I had seen how hurt and concerned my mom was in the past about my cutting problem. It literally traumatized her. I feel really selfish and completely immature for cutting myself again. I had seen the look my mother’s eyes when she witnessed the first onslaught of my cutting ‘performances’. Terror. Sheer terror. And disgust. And the fact that I can so readily, so freely go back to cutting without any thought or concern for her well-being, even after I had promised her I wouldn’t, makes me feel like a damn brat. A selfish, completely histrionic, spoiled little brat and it makes me sick to the pit of my stomach. My parents do EVERYTHING for me. EVERYTHING. And the fact I can’t even reciprocate their efforts to give me a better life because I’m too concerned about myself and how I am perceived by others is truly pathetic, in every sense of the word. And that was the impetus for my revelation. I’m sick in the damn head and sick in the damn heart. I want to believe that I can change, but I don’t exactly know how I can go about doing that. I’m just so muddled up in the construction of my own stuff that I don’t even know where to begin. Any advice for a girl who’s off her dang rocker?

Yes. As a matter of fact I do. I don’t think you’re a sociopath. You are too angry with yourself for that. I do think you are in significant distress and that you need some serious help. You know that too. So now here comes the hard part: Having written that detailed, insightful letter about yourself, are you ready to seek out and accept the help you need?

The methods you came up with to cope with your low self-esteem and your fears while a teenager are clearly not working for you anymore. Actually, they never did. It’s time to try something that is proven to be helpful. You need to get a thorough evaluation by a qualified psychologist and talk over a treatment plan that is based on his or her findings. Take your letter with you. It will provide an efficient overview of your issues.

Remember that therapy is for you. Lies may impress the therapist but where will that get you? Judging the therapist or trying to seduce won’t get you anywhere either. Please be selfish enough to skip the drama and get the most out of therapy you can. Accepting the attention and support that good therapy provides can help you have a more satisfying life. Go for it.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

December 26, 2021 0 comment

GAD Personality Disorder

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW September 30th, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

I was discharged from the military two years ago, with what they diagnosed as GAD, and Personality Disorder. Since then, I feel like my mental health has worsened. The medicine I was taking, made me feel even worse, and side effects included night terrors, and sexual problems. I stopped taking it because I lost my job due to illness, and could no longer afford my medicine, and things actually seemed to improve at first. However, here lately my panic and anxiety has worsened, I feel paranoid at times, and I switch emotions at the drop of the hat. I also have hallucinations at times, and even hear things. I even sometimes feel like I have delusions of grandeur. Is it possible to have psychosis, be bi-polar, depressed, paranoid, and a megalomaniac all at the same time? And could these symptoms just be a part of the GAD or Personality Disorder, or is it likely that it’s something else entirely? What is the line between delusions of grandeur and self-esteem? Don’t we all want to feel like we have a purpose, or that our lives are important? Do these sort of things sometimes impair one’s ability to work, even with medication?

You have asked many good questions, all of which are difficult to answer because I have limited information about your situation. Generally speaking, it is possible to have symptoms of a variety of psychological disorders simultaneously. I cannot say with certainty if you have any of the disorders that you described. I would need to interview you in person to determine which disorders you may or may not have.

Paranoia is generally not associated with anxiety disorders; however, it would depend on how you are defining paranoia. Paranoia is associated with two main personality disorders, paranoid personality disorder and schizotypal personality disorder.

Delusions of grandeur refer to the belief that one is extraordinarily powerful and influential. It is not based on reality. Self-esteem is related to confidence level. If you struggle with the ability to determine the difference between what is reality and what isn’t, then professional assistance would be recommended.

Having serious psychological symptoms can impair one’s ability to work and to function on a daily basis. It would be advisable to have a psychological evaluation to determine your mental health status. The symptoms you have described are troubling. They seem to be interfering with your life and causing you distress. They should be eliminated as soon as possible.

You have tried medication with limited success. I would suggest that you continue searching for the right medication. I know that process can be frustrating but finding the right medication can significantly decrease your symptoms.

You should also try counseling. A therapist can help you to stay grounded in reality and teach you strategies for dealing with your problematic symptoms. Never be accepting of psychological symptoms. Many treatments exist that can significantly decrease or eliminate them from your life. I wish you the best. Please take care

Dr. Kristina Randle
@DrKRandle

October 11, 2011 0 comment

Obsessive And Intrusive Thoughts About My Girlfriend

by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW December 16th, 2019

written by Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Hello, I am from Mauritius and I am currently having an issue which is becoming harder and harder to manage… I have a fiancee and we both love each other immensely.. but recently, I am having some quite disturbing and intrusive thoughts about her of sexual nature, and it seems that the more I try to shake it off, it comes stronger than before; I feel so ashamed of these thoughts that sometimes, I feel like I should to live. I have dealt with a similar issue a few years before, the thoughts were of religious nature and reflected the exact contrary of what I think is correct, it was leading to depression but I eventually mannered to snap out of it.. I feel so ashamed about myself and the moment I wake up, the thoughts comes haunting me. Sometimes I feel like I do not deserve to be with my fiancee or to get married to her but this will completely break her down.. I have heard about OCD but the treatment of exposing myself to these thoughts which are so disturbing makes me reluctant to go to see a therapist and I am ashamed to reveal the details of these thoughts to anyone, I immensely hate these thoughts..

Thank you for your precious advice.

It would have been helpful to have had more details about your “disturbing” thoughts. I do not believe that your thoughts are the main problem; it is the shame that you feel about those thoughts that prevent you from properly dealing with this problem. Shame has prevented you from detailing your thoughts in an anonymous letter. It also stops you from seeking professional help.

You are ashamed of your thoughts because of a belief that they portray you in a negative light but the reality is that you have no control over them. Would you feel shame if your appendix burst or if a heart valve malfunctioned? No one should feel shame in those situations because there was nothing that they could have done to have prevented these physical problems. The same logic applies to your thoughts. If you had the power to control your thoughts, you would. You would just stop thinking negative thoughts. You have tried doing just that but it hasn’t worked. You should not blame yourself for something that you have no control over. Trained professionals understand the nature of psychological problems and they can help you with your problem.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You are not to blame. Continuing to blame yourself will only prevent you from receiving the psychological help that could cure this problem. My advice is to see a therapist and to be as honest and as detailed as possible. The sooner that you receive help for this problem, the quicker it will be remedied. Click the “find help” tab, at the top of this page, to locate a qualified therapist in your community. I wish you the best of luck.

Dr. Kristina Randle

September 6, 2011 0 comment

My parents won’t let me talk to my boyfriend

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker March 15th, 2019

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a couple weeks now. We havent been able to see eachother since school because his parents are divorced hes in another part of the state during the summer. We talk on the phone every night, but its normally late because both of us are busy until late. We normally talk for hours though so sometimes i dont get off till 3 in the morning. It doesnt bother me because i am always up then anyways but my parents have been getting mad. They take my phone away and wont let us talk at night. We are planning a date which i want to tell them about, but i know they wont let me out of the house. Hes a great guy and he makes me so happy. I was depressed before we started dating and now i cant stop smiling. My parents havent even met him yet amd they already hate him. Im embarassed also because his parents are fun and awsome but my parents are strict and mean. It bothers me that they hate him though. I just dont know what to do anymore. It really sucks. Cant my parents realize that im happier then ive been in literally years? They dont seem to understand how much i am in love with this guy.help me?

I doubt very muich that your folks hate a guy they’ve never met. What they hate is that you aren’t handling the relationship in a responsible way. They see you spending hours on the phone when you should be getting much-needed sleep. They’re probably worried that you are over-involved with someone you haven’t known that long. Parents, being parents, are feeling protective of your health and your welfare. Sneaking out will only confirm their belief that you aren’t mature enough to handle a relationship.

You and your guy need to talk about how to demonstrate to your parents that the two of you are able to respect reasonable boundaries around phone use. You two also need to show your parents that you are both responsible about your health and welfare. If your boyfriend cares for you, he will want to help you solve the problem instead of just agreeing that the situation “sucks.”

I suggest you tell your parents that you know that they are only trying to protect you. Tell them that you understand you’ve been a little over the top with staying up to talk to your guy the last few weeks but that you can settle down now. Ask them to set a curfew for phone use and respect it. Once you’ve shown them you can do that, you can ask them to help the two of you meet up for a day at either his house or yours. If this relationship is meant to be, it won’t fizzle if you slow down a bit. Let your parents get to know your boyfriend gradually so they can see what you see; that he’s really a great guy.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

July 17, 2011 0 comment

I am in a rut I cannot get out of

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker October 2nd, 2019

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Hi I want to first thank the therapist who reads this. I am sure whatever you have to say I will consider. I am 19 years old and I feel alone all the time. I have family and friends but I just don’t want to be around them anymore. All I ever hear is them complaining and I am sick of it. My friends are nice. they aren’t bad people but we never do anything fun. its always eating dinner at the same restaurant we always eat at. No one ever wants to try anything new. Granted I have no job and therefore no money so it is hard to do anything. I go to school and I have a hard time paying attention in class. I have failed 4 college courses now and it’s not that the courses are hard. its just I feel like I don’t care about them.

I have dreams to travel and fall in love and be happy but no matter what I try to do I fail. I failed my drivers test 4 times before I got it. I failed school and my family. I am 19 and I feel like I have accomplished nothing, My older sister and me are 12 years apart and I constantly feel like I was a mistake like I was never meant to be born. My parent know nothing about me they don’t know what my favorite color is or what i like to do in my spare time. I go to bed every night crying and hoping that the next day is going to be better but it never is. I don’t feel good about the way I look or feel and I want to change but every time I try to make things better they just get worse and I am starting to lose hope…

I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a letter but what you are describing sounds very much like symptoms of depression. Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness to change; getting no enjoyment from what used to be enjoyable activities, and difficulty concentrating are all hallmarks of depression. That being said, you are also talking yourself into a belief that you are a mistake – which is going to color everything you think and do. Yes, you are 12 years younger. Has it occurred to you that maybe your parents wanted another child for 12 years and were happy to finally have you??? Even if you weren’t planned, it doesn’t mean you are a mistake. Your parents decided to keep you, didn’t they? Sometimes unplanned babies are wonderful surprises. They give parents another shot at being the kind of parents they want to be. They bring joy to parents’ older selves. You have all the advantages of an only child — with experienced parents and a sibling. Sounds pretty good to me. Maybe a little chat with your folks would help you understand the positives from their point of view.

If your parents don’t know your favorite color, I wonder if you’ve told them. At 19, it’s time for you to stop expecting your folks to be mind readers, to start letting them in on who you are, and to work on getting to know them on another level. It’s also past time to tell them the truth about what you are feeling and to ask for some help. Your beliefs that you will fail at whatever you do will sabotage even your best intentions. You need some help getting out of your rut and back on track. I suggest you find a cognitive-behavioral therapist. CBT will teach you how to stop the negative thinking and replace it with a more positive self-image. It will give you tools to start accomplishing something more to your liking than a record of failures. It will teach you how to take more risks with friends and family so they can get to know who you really are.

If you could have fixed things on your own, you would have done so long ago. I hope you will follow up and find a counselor for yourself. Take a look at this website. I don’t have personal experience with the listed counselors so I can’t offer you any guidance about who to contact but the site does look like it might be a good place to start your search.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

June 25, 2011 0 comment

My Wife is Spoiling for a Fight

by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker December 20th, 2019

written by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

First, some quick background. I am a male with a history of bad behavioral decisions that end up biting me in the rear, often months later. One decision I made in t past 6 months was to quit my job (no warning, no job to transition to) due to the treatment (high stress, high responsibility, low authority, etc.) I was getting. My blood pressure and blood sugars (Type 1 diabetic) improved over the next few months and I got a new job in December. But the stress of that decision put a lot more strain on my already brittle marriage. My wife is very money conscious (due to some bad money situations before we met) and this additional strain on her income was heavy. In the middle of this already “Joyful” experience, she demanded that we move to reduce her commute, as “that wasn’t my problem anymore”. I moved us and essentially completed most of the move before Christmas.

What I am having trouble with is the situation that has existed for a few years. My wife is not very in touch with who she is now nor what she wants. Partially her upbringing and partially clinging to the belief that if she spends a great deal of time doing something, she will be rewarded in a deep and meaningful way, she is very unhappy. Both she and I have a long history of depressive behavior and both have had less than stellar experience medicating for this. I strongly believe that the lack of communication success between ourselves has been related heavily to both wanting maximum rewards for what she focuses on (regardless of what is asked for or needed) and not knowing what she wants really. I get short tempered when I seem to keep stepping in arguments with her and she sits and claims moral superiority (i.e. “Here is the datum that shows a detail is wrong in your plan, ergo you are wrong.”). Mix in a lot of job stress where her preferred superiority and desire of credit for effort (not result) has been highlighted and noted as a weakness in her managerial role. This recipe ends up in needing some advice from a professional while I try to figure out how we can see a therapist long term (I have to convince her somehow).

I do not want to argue with her. I want to understand what is upsetting her when she is upset so that I can modulate my behavior or avoid her touch points in daily life. She will not focus on helping me, preferring to find other topics to push me on (budget, who took care of the dog, what meeting she has to reschedule). This results in me feeling like she wants me to stumble into her issues, let her blame me, then let her solve the problem by getting rid of me (an approach she keeps flirting with and telling me she will do at the drop of a hat). How do I talk with her to help me while not setting her off. Or am I better off just distancing myself until she wants to talk with me? I can’t change her but I would like to change what I am doing to unstabilize this brittle structure.

You’ve written an articulate and thoughtful letter. Although you don’t want to fight with your wife and acknowledge that you can’t change her, you do spend most of your letter talking about her issues. I think you would get better results if you focused on your own for a time. You don’t need to convince your wife of the wisdom of getting professional help before you get started on it for yourself.

You see, long-term couples (whether married or not) develop a system of communication that becomes cyclical and self-fulfilling. You both know your roles and lines really well. You can’t get out of the recurring drama because you cue each other. If one of you can change your role, the other will have to respond. By going to a therapist yourself, you can learn some new ways to think about the situation and you can learn new skills for getting through the impasse. When you behave diffently, your wife will have to learn a new role as well.

If you decide to go this route, it’s essential that you do it without judgment on your wife. Simply let her know you are starting therapy. Don’t suggest that you are superior for doing so. Don’t pressure her to join you. Just let her know that you want to figure out your part in what goes so wrong between you. Also tell her you’ll be happy to include her when and if she is willing.

Meanwhile, jump into therapy with enthusiasm for the project. At the very least, you may finally get a handle on your pattern of making poor decisions. At best, you may learn how to be more effective in your marriage.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

March 9, 2011 0 comment