Car Wreck Archives

Very specific symptoms, need help before someone gets hurt or worse. Please Tell me what could be causing these specific symptoms before someone gets hurt or worse. I am a wife, deeply worried about my safety and the safety of my Husband. I know something is terribly wrong with him and I have no idea what to do. He is like 2 different people. He has mentioned killing himself and even me. Please Please help.
This is him, describes him perfectly.

While with friends or at work ( multiple adults around )
Appears Happy, Usually very Loud, Funny but to the point of being rude and overbearing for most to handle, cocky, Crude, But a real ” life of the party”, Joking, Needs to be noticed, Did I say LOUD, laughing …. etc.

While here at home alone or with just me ( the wife ).
From the moment he wakes until bed every day, withdraws to the same chair in the same corner and closes off everyone and everything, easily agitated to the point of a sudden screaming outburst or throwing something at a person if interrupted. Does not want to move, go out, and especially not talk. Ignores or blocks out everyday problems if he does not know the immediate answer to fixing them. ( he watched TV for 5 hours while a broken water line flooded our upstairs and brought down half the ceiling above him in our house while I was gone, didn’t even go upstairs to see why water was coming through the ceiling because he did not know how to fix it ). Answers every question no matter how difficult or simple with ” I don’t Know “. ( ” do you want burgers for supper ” ” I don’t know ” …. ” the car won’t start what should we do ” ” I don’t know ” … ” Our 16 year old daughter didn’t come home last night, what should we do ” ” I don’t know ” ) and then if I press for an answer or ask to many questions … He may pick up a bat and threaten to kill me or a knife and threaten to kill himself.

His folks both died in a car wreck when he was 13, he is 36 now and we have been married for 5 years. He has always had quite a temper and seems to deal with stressful situations by ignoring them, but the rage and total shut down has escalated in the last year.

A specific incident that best describes him … After a perfect fun day playing golf with the kids and a few friends we came home ( about 5:00 ) the children went to a friends and he asked what was for dinner … I told him the fridge was empty – he commented made a comment about me being a lazy wife and I ( against my better judgement ) laughed and reminded him that he had not gone to work for a week and I had been working overtime.

He grabbed my hair and started laughing, got the craziest look in his eyes, and told me about 10 ways he could kill me without anyone ever finding out. He left and when he came back he acted like nothing had ever happened ” baby, I’m home … want to go catch a movie ? ” …..

What is wrong with him ? Is this normal ??? PLEASE PLEASE help. He Laughs at the thought of counseling and it angers him If I suggest looking into help. I don’t want to give up on him because I know he can be a very loving and wonderful hard working person, and about 60 % of the time is an ideal father and Husband.

Any ideas of what it could be?

I cannot offer a diagnosis over the Internet. The best way to receive a diagnosis is for your husband to be evaluated by a mental health professional. Though I cannot provide a diagnosis, I am very concerned about your situation. Based on your letter, it is clear that you face two main problems. The first problem is that you are afraid of your husband. He has threatened to kill you on multiple occasions. He has even listed the many different ways in which he could kill you and not get caught. His behavior is odd, erratic, and unpredictable. It is also bizarre. It is highly unusual for him to have ignored the collapse of the ceiling in your home. You have every reason to feel afraid of your husband. The fact of the matter is that you and your children may be in danger.

The second problem or complication is that your husband laughed at the suggestion of counseling. Unfortunately, you cannot force someone to seek treatment. An individual can be forced into a hospital when they are a danger to themselves or others but at that moment in time, it is often too late. An individual can also be mandated to treatment by a judge after a crime has been committed. My concern is that by the time a crime will have occurred, you and your children may have become the victims of that crime.

You and your husband are no longer working as a common unit. He is no longer caring for the children, the home, or any other aspect of his life or surroundings. In many ways, the marriage is no longer functioning as a marriage. He is doing nothing to help the marriage and even laughs at you when you suggested seeking help. Currently, this is not a marriage and the situation seems to be becoming worse with time.

He needs help but he is refusing the help he needs. This means you have to make the next move. You and your children are in danger. You have to protect yourself and your children from this danger. I understand that this is a very difficult situation because you love your husband but when someone endangers your life and the life of your children you must take action. I’m not suggesting that a partner should leave their mentally ill spouse but in this case, your lives are at risk. You must do what is necessary to protect you and your children from the potential risk that your husband imposes.

You should strongly consider alternative living arrangements. This may include staying with friends or family or living in a temporary residential living shelter. Also, do not hesitate to call the police if you believe that your husband is about to harm you. These actions may save your life and the lives of your children. Your husband has given you every reason to fear him. Do not underestimate the risk that he imposes. I wish you well.

Kristina Randle

I really don’t care about reading all of these other people’s nonsense. I don’t want to be talked out of it. I want to know the best way without anyone knowing I committed suicide. I have been trying breathing toxic fumes, drinking a little acid at times, eating small amounts of acetone each day nothing is working. I don’t to die in a car wreck. I want to die of an ailment of somekind. I love my wife and she loves me. I am just tired of living. I am an iron artist and don’t make enough money. I am very tired and want very much to die. I saw a mental doctor of some kind and he said I was OK.

I understand that you do not want to be talked out of suicide but with all due respect, I am going to try anyway. If I were to answer your question in the manner that you requested, I would essentially be instructing you in successful ways to achieve secretive suicide. You are in essence asking me to be like Jack Kevorkian (the “Death Doctor”) and that I cannot do. You have the option to end your life but it is my opinion that you would be making a profound mistake.

Why should you not commit suicide? There are many, many reasons why and I name a few below.

Your wife and family: You wrote that you love your wife. If you love her and she loves you, then your loss will be devastating. The same is true for the rest of your family. Your family may suffer immensely, especially if they learn that your death was a suicide. You are attempting to die in a manner that would disguise a suicide but an autopsy would likely reveal the true nature of your death.
The struggles of suicide survivors: Related to the above reason is the immensely difficult struggle faced by the family members of individuals who commit suicide. This may include feeling guilty or feeling that they are to blame for “not doing enough.” Survivors have also reported feeling as though the loved one’s decision to end his or her life was their fault. Some report feeling “unloved” or believing things such as “he must not have loved me enough because if so, he would not have done this to me.” Anger is a common reaction as well. In addition, having a family member who commits suicide increases the likelihood that other family members will choose the same fate. For these reasons and many others, committing suicide is not fair to your family.
Your suffering may not end: You are assuming that ending your life will end your suffering but what if that is not true? No one knows what happens after we die. In the book Life After Life by Raymond Moody, he reports that individuals who have had near-death experiences, as a result of a suicide attempt, reported it as being “hellish.” Some reported that they literally believed they were entering hell. This was in stark contrast to the individuals who did not purposefully attempt to end their lives and who had near-death experiences. Generally, their experiences were positive and inspirational.
Matthew Dovel, author of My Last Breath, claims to have had both a heaven and hell near-death experience. Matthew was 12 when he accidentally drowned in a swimming pool. He described having a loving near-death experience. He believed that he had met his “Creator.” He then decided that this experience was so wonderful that he wanted to return. He decided to attempt suicide but the second time he had a very different experience. He described spending three days in hell. These experiences led him to start the International Suicide Prevention public charity program. What likely was his motivation? Was his experience a sign that committing suicide means more suffering in the “afterlife” versus less?

You mentioned that you went to a doctor and he or she assessed your mental health status. The doctor said that you are “okay” but perhaps you did not reveal how you were truly feeling. I would argue against the conclusion that you are “okay” because it is not normal to plot one’s own death. It’s a sign of depression. Spend all the time and energy that is necessary to get help. Effective treatments exist for depression. The proof is the fact that millions of individuals are helped every year.

One of the main reasons for wanting to die, according to your letter, is losing your job. Your worth and value as an individual extends beyond your career or employment status. I understand how devastating it can be to lose one’s job. The loss of a job includes a loss of income, a loss of health insurance, a loss of self-worth, etc. Understandably, this is an extremely difficult situation but things will get better. Life has many ups and downs. Just because life is difficult now, does not mean it will always be that way. I would strongly encourage you to reconsider the decision to end your life. Please consider going back to your doctor. Speak to him or her about how you truly feel. He or she could help you access treatment either in the form of medication or counseling (or both).

I understand that I have not answered the question that you have asked. My job in life is to help others, not help them to harm themselves. I hope that I have helped you, even if in some small way. I hope you get the help that you deserve. Please reconsider your decision. Consider the feelings of your family. They will be forced to deal with the aftermath of your death. Please take care. I wish you well.

Car Wreck

Something is Terribly Wrong With My Husband

Secretive Suicide