Different Girl Archives

I’m an 18yr old high school drop out. I’ve suffered from mental abuse since I was around three..but now that I can actually get out on my own, I can’t because my stepdad has trapped me.
I guess I’ll start from the beginning. I’ve never met my biological father. My mom had left him when I wasn’t even a year old yet. When I was two, almost three, my mom starting dating my stepdad. They got a place together and eventually got married when I was around six. My stepdad has mentally & phisically abused me. When I was little, I was a skinny, entergetic, little girl. Then my stepdad decided I wasn’t eating enough so he started making me eat more food at dinner then he could. Half the time my mom would wait til he left the kitchen then throw it away, then they’d fight about it all the time. They fought alot over how he treated us kids. one time he hit me in the head with a plastic baseball bat my dog chewed up and cut y head open. My mom left him for like three days then we were back. Stuff like this continued until I was 13, then they got a divorce.

Finally, I thought to myself I can get away from him. Well my mom met a guy, who shes now married to. She kicked me out because I confronted her new man about wasting all of the rent money on pills. The only other place for me to go was back to my stepdads. It was different for the first few months when I moved back out, but his act wore off. Instead of forcing me to eat 2 heaping plates at each meal, he started the mental abuse. Putting me down about my weight & other things. Then he got me a car. When that happened I was never home. I was always gone to escape him. He didn’t care. thats what he really wanted, for me to be out of his hair so he could bring a different girl home every night from the bar. I was basically just the housemaid, he’d call when the house needed work, or he needed groceries. But his plans backfired. He thought he was sterile, well aparently not, because now he has a ten month old little girl. He really started being mean when she came home. He had to fight with the CPS for months before she came home. Then he started acting like I was supposed to take care of her ALL of the time. He stared cussing me out at least twice a day. Well finally on monday feb 21st, he starts yelling at me, telling me I’m worthless & that i never do anything for anyone but myself & things like that. I told him how i felt about how he’d been treating me lately and he said fine, get the f*** out. It’s been a week now and havent talked to him. I’m stuck and I dont know what to do. My car broke down yesterday, my cellphone broke so all the job applications I put in cant call now. And no one can help me. It just seems like I’m going to have to go back out to him like he wants, and have to continue putting up with his abuse. But for me thats not an option. I dont know if you’ll be able to tell me any advice, but I jus needed to tell somebody my story. Thanks for your time.

You are right. What you are describing is abuse and neglect. None of the so-called adults in your life seem very adult at all. I’m worried for you. I’m worried for your little half-sister. It must feel to you like there is nowhere to turn. Going back to your stepdad doesn’t feel like an option but you don’t see others.

At 18, you no longer qualify for help from CPS, it’s true. But you can probably get help from the local domestic violence program. The phone number for the Family Crisis Intervention Center is 304-428-2333 or 1-800-794-2335. There also appears to be a food pantry and a homeless shelter within 20 miles of your town. Often such places have counselors on site who can help you figure out where to get the supports you need. Meanwhile, if you need someone to talk to, call the Boys and Girls Town Hotline at 800-448-3000. Counselors are available 24/7 to help young people like yourself.

I’m so very sorry you didn’t get the kind of family every child deserves to have. But you don’t have to accept your stepdad’s judgment of you. Therre is so much more to you than being a “high school dropout.” Your letter shows that you have a core of strength in you that you can build on once you are more on your own.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I have been dating a guy on and off for almost two years. We met in college and although when we first met we had no desire for a relationship, we both fell for each other and starting seeing each other. The problem is, he has had really bad relationship experience in high school where he really thought he loved someone and she constantly cheated on him. He tried desperatley to salvage the relationship, but she embarrassed him badly in front of his family and broke his heart. He grew bitter and resentful and dated girls he knew he had no future with since then. When he and I started dating, he realized taht i am a different girl, more serious. I feel like that scared him, to really care about a girl and i realized that amist all his wonderful qualities, he simply couldnt trust me and would do things out of stubborness to see if I really cared about him or not. Often times we would get into a fight over his distrust in my saying I cared about him, and he would break it off and go talk to some other girl. Then he would come back and tell me right away and would want another chance, to which i give him because I understand where he is coming from and i appreciated the honesty. As crazy as it sounds, i felt like by being there for him, he might finally realize taht not all girls are the same and that there is someone in front of him who really cares about him so much. After 2 years of this instability and distrust, I feel like there is nothing else I can do to show him i really DO care and really DO want to be with him. I have never been disloyal, and have only talked and flirted innocently with other guys at the most when we broke up. Now all his distrust in me, and his actions to “pay me back” for what he thikns I am doing, have resulted in me not trusting him so i broke it all off. At the present time, we are broken up still and he has been telling me that for the past few months he has really realized that I am the one for him and he desperately wants to work things out. He has told me that he has been blind and has apologized profusely for everything he has done. He genuinely seems to want to work things out, but I just don’t trust him anymore. I feel like what is different this time, since he has said it before. I really really want to believe him and work things out, although it would be tough for us both, but I am so scared of this continuing on further. I just cannot seem to move on, however, because I really do love him. Should I believe him this time? Can a couple months really change someone that fast? And has his distrust affected me now?

People can change but your hesitation is warranted. You’ve spent the last two years trying in vain to prove your loyalty and fidelity. You did this even when it was he who was not being faithful or honest. I cannot tell you whether or not he deserves another chance. This is a personal decision that only you can answer. You love him and the two of you have a history together. It would be difficult to simply ignore someone you love.

Should you decide to give him another chance, I would advise you to do it on a provisional basis. Proceed with caution. What I mean is that he will have to prove that he has changed through his actions, not just his words. Yes, he said he has changed but at this point you have nothing to prove the truthfulness of his statement. History has shown you otherwise. Therefore it will be up to him to prove that he has changed.

You may want to try couples counseling. It could be helpful for a few reasons. First, if your ex were to agree to couples counseling then it would show that he’s serious about changing his behavior and making a relationship work. Secondly, you’d have at your disposal a mental health professional trained to advise individuals about how to behave in relationships. He or she may be able to guide you regarding the most appropriate way to reengage the relationship. Finally, a therapist might provide an objective opinion about whether this relationship is worthy of your time and personal investment.

As a rule, you should always treat people as they treat you. If you give him another chance and he continues to behave towards you in his usual manner then this relationship may be over unless he is willing to undergo counseling.

I wish you the best of luck.

Different Girl

Long History of Mental Abuse

Should I Move On?